Boris Johnson shocked to discover British Empire no longer exists
Foreign Office officials have confirmed that Boris Johnson has finally accepted that the British Empire no longer exists, more than a year after he...
I am truly above the law, confirms giant-toothed, flappy-eared, demon-eyed, shithouse, fuckmonger
What’s your favourite type of monger?
Picture him:
Swooping down from the sky astride a yellowing American Eagle, the political shitehawk persuades his steed to loosen...
Donald Trump ends democracy in America
I’ve decided Ivanka will come after me. I mean, she’s hot, and she has my gift with politics, so she’s the perfect choice
Dacre overjoyed as Khan hints at Brexit backdown
There are reports of loud and frenzied whooping sounds coming from the office of Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre this afternoon at the news...
Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit
Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today.
There's been a...
OJ Simpson appointed White House press secretary
Tongues are wagging in Washington today over what seems too convenient for coincidence as OJ Simpson is rumoured about to be appointed as Sean...
Argentina offers to invade Falklands Islands for £1B if that will help May?
A man claiming to represent Argentina has allegedly phoned the British prime minister and said for £1 billion they will pretend to invade the...
Theresa May sets new record for least informative interview
Theresa May, the first unelected Prime Minister to have deliberately had her hair cut into the shape of a bell end has given an...
High Court allows Royal Prerogative to execute Daily Mail editor for treason
In a bold move the UK judiciary has ruled to suspend Parliamentary Sovereignty to allow the UK Government to use the Royal Prerogative to round up and chop the heads off the editors of The Daily Mail, The Daily Express and The Sun.
Stereotyping men now a hate crime: Rochdale cracks down on Misandry
Several women were arrested this morning following a verbal altercation outside Rochdale's women's institute.The women who can't be named for legal reasons are being...
FIFA launch investigation into DUP backhander scandal
The Federation of International Football Associations (FIFA), have announced their intention to pursue a full investigation into alleged corruption in British politics, following the...
Despot responsible for mass starvation and crimes against humanity meets Saudi Prince
The Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia has raised concerns about human rights in the United Kingdom during talks with the country's barely elected despot.
Government votes to go on holiday early after solving all UK’s problems
Members of parliament have overwhelmingly voted to bring their summer break forward as a reward for having solved all of the UK's problems.
The...
Car bombs not as bad as nicking stationery insists Martin ‘I’m a politician’ McGuiness
Former number three in the Irish presidential election Seamus Martin Pointa McGuinness has resigned from his position as Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland.
The...
Steve Bannon Torn Over Best Way To F*ck The Disabled
Following reports that Donald Trump will no longer repeal an Executive Order protecting LGBT rights, White House insiders have revealed that his Chief Strategist,...
“We can’t stop Brexit without a strong opposition”, says old hippy who keeps forgetting...
Jeremy Corbyn has taken time out from his busy schedule of avoiding anybody not singing, "Oh, Jeremy Corbyn" to prove he's still alive and...
