Hospital

Tories promise extra floor space and 50,000 more coats in the 40 new hospitals...

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The Conservative Party has released its newest manifesto pledge to increase A&E floor space in the 40 hospitals they are definitely not building, as well as ensuring 50,000 more coats for sick children to...
Badgers

Badgers vote for cull of Conservative MPs

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Radical badgers have declared Dingley Dell an independent sovereign state and have threatened violent action against Conservative MPs in response to the continuing cull. The founder of the MP cull pressure group Gas A Tory...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn counterfeit poppy scandal

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There is outrage in many political and charitable quarters today after rumours emerged that senior members of the Labour Party have been selling Remembrance Day poppies and memorabilia to supplement their parliamentary incomes.
Shrugging Man

No manifesto better than a bad manifesto say Conservatives

6
Confusion reigns following the Queen's Speech as the Tories deny all knowledge of a manifesto that may, or may not, have existed prior to the recent General Election. Commentators hoping to compare the content of...

Boris meant Saudis are awesome says Defence Secretary Michael Fallon

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Boris Johnson’s words on Saudi Arabia and other Middle East powers were misreported, according to a clearly desperate Defence Secretary Sir Mr Michael of Fallon.
Theresa May

Nah, I said smashed through a field of weed fam, claims PM

18
There’s bare girl jobs and mandem jobs, you feel me? “When’d all y’all start getting so disrespectful?” said Theresa May yesterday. “Maybe it was that Lord Buckethead fool. I mean, Lord of the Bucket indeed. If...

Millenials believe Stalin killed more people than Blair

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A recent survey of little shits proved that they know absolutely nothing about history, even though you can't prize Google from their tiny ungrateful claws. The group was made up of 25 13-16 year olds...

Conservatives to shoot badgers until Henry VIII powers allow them to hunt with dogs...

3
Conservative MP George Eustice was allegedly out celebrating at a champagne breakfast this morning after deciding to kill a lot more badgers in order to feel better about himself. It's thought the extension of badger...

Liberal Democrats now so wet they’re considered homeopathic

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A stink has been kicking up this week after the British Homeopathic Association were forced to distance themselves from the Liberal Democrats after a northern fake newspaper editor claimed The Lib Dems were less effective than homeopathy.

Red-faced Green makes pinky promise regarding blue movies

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The latest sex scandal to hit the presses involves Damien Green using pornography at work. The de facto Prime Minister-in-waiting appears to have tossed away his chance to lead the country. Green has vowed...

Soon to be estranged husband proposes ‘transitional sexual union’

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Under the suggested terms of the deal, Britton, 34, would remain in the family home for up to a further two years, and would be entitled to avail himself of all the sexual benefits associated with a normal marriage.

Obviously you should agree with me, it’s 2017 say progressives, obviously

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People across the nation are up in arms that other people don’t apparently realise that it’s the current year. “It’s 2017,” said Faye Zbuk-Warrior,” I can’t believe people are still having opinions that differ from...
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg descended from German immigrants genieologists confirm

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Plans by eccentric far right conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg to be elected leader of the Conservative party have been delivered a body blow as genieologists have revealed t**hat far from being 100% English as...

Jeremy Corbyn appoints his teddy bears and security blanket to cabinet

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The leader of the Labour Party Jeremy Corbyn has just had to give all his friends in the tree-house gang another reprimand. Having failed to follow his triple underlined order to vote for article...
Philip Hammond

Fresh sexism row after Hammond overheard telling Theresa May not to ‘worry her pretty...

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Philip Hammond was today facing another storm over his casual sexism as it was revealed that his response to the Prime Minister's concerns over Brexit was 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it,...
David Davis

David Davis replaced as Brexit negotiator by two short planks

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The government announced this morning that Chief Brexit negotiator David Davis is to be replaced by two short planks. It's believed the replacement of Mr. Davis with a pair of stout pieces of wood will...

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