People in Shock as Cameron steps down as MP because nobody knew he was...
Ex Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced he will quit his role as an MP, which has surprised almost everybody as we'd all thought he had fucked off months ago.
Cameron, who is most...
Mixed Reviews for Brexit Easter Eggs
The government’s official Brexit Easter Eggs have been flying off the shelves this week but many consumers have been left disappointed.
Betty Roffin of Rochdale was one of many demanding a refund, stating “I bought...
Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave
Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has acted decisively.
In order not to be accused of hypocrisy when...
Love Island Johnny reveals ‘I have the clap’ as bosses rebrand hit show ‘Syphilis...
Love island viewers were last night in shock after it was revealed the island is to be transformed into a syphilis colony.
The revelations came in response to Jonny revealing he has crabs. Camilla and...
Cliff Richard is absolutely, definitely not a nonce admits BBC
Rumours are spreading that CLiff Richards, who is not a nonce, is furious today after the BBC suggested that he had racked up unreasonable legal fees in suing the BBC for not ignoring him.
The...
Woman wins “I’ve got no self respect, get me out of here!”
A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you've probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far loosely famous people can debase themselves for money.
The competition tests...
Not getting to work with Southern Rail now 30% cheaper for 27 year olds
26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30% to not get to work with Southern Rail.
Philip Hammond told...
BBC Believes Last Labour Voter Now Extinct
Naturalists have accused the BBC of poor science after it was revealed the broadcasting corporation believes there are no more Labour voters.
The shock extinction of what was once a common variety of voter has...
The Man Who Broke The Bank Of England Backs Corbyn
George Soros, the Hungarian-American Billionaire who famously broke the Bank of England on Black Wednesday in 1992, is said to be close to throwing his financial support behind Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party. ...
Dead gays thrilled at posthumous pardons for jail terms and chemical castrations
Dead gays celebrated accross the country today as the 'Alan Turing Law' was unveiled by government, effectively absolving them of wrong doing for having a sexuality.
Conservative Peer, Sir Clifford Huxley-Smyth said;
"We cannot undo the wrongs...
Euro TV Satellite expected to fall on Rochdale: “Nothing to fear” say boffins
28.2E Astra2/Eurobird1 may not mean anything to most people, but it is very much in the minds of worried Rochdale residents who have recently learned that the high-tech TV satellite is expected to fall...
Peter McCallister found dead after triggering booby trap
Peter McCallister, has been found dead at the foot of his stairs within his home 671 Lincoln Avenue, Winnetka, Illinois.
The Police are treating the death of father of five as suspicious. Detective Paul Simmons...
Newspaper that regularly features Princess Diana’s ghost denies allegations of fake news
Staff at the Daily Express have been forced to deny that their publication is a tissue of lies and fake news even though it regularly tells its readership that they're all going to die...
Online tat markets filling up with utter crap that ‘Would make a great Christmas...
As the nights draw in and the last of the pre-winter rituals of ‘Children Demanding Sweets by Menaces’ night, ‘Throwing Fireworks at Cats’ night and ‘Outing Traitors Not Wearing a Red Flower’ day are...
Men in Rural England “Shitting Themselves” as Helen Titchener Walks Free
Men up and down the UK will now be sleeping with one eye open and replacing all the knives in the house with plastic picnic cutlery after the acquittal of Helen Titchener of Ambridge,...
Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo
A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week finally found success in the downstairs loo.
Findley Leigh-Pseudonym, a newspaper...
