Ex Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced he will quit his role as an MP, which has surprised almost everybody as we’d all thought he had fucked off months ago.

Cameron, who is most famous for bombing Syria, allegedly shagging a severed pigs head, and not knowing whether he a West Ham or Villa fan, was last seen walking out of number ten with his family into obscurity.

Rumours that he will join up with Tony Blair on the after dinner circuit cashing in big time are yet to be confirmed