Other News

With Father's Day fast approaching, supermarkets and stationary stores across the country are displaying cards and gifts for children to give to their father this Sunday. Burnley Lidl has raised a few eyebrows with its five card bundle offer.

Brexiter Pierre Norman has spoken to the Rochdale Herald about how his raison d'être is to get England out of the EU so he can purify the English language for everyone in the United...

After a petition to stop the orange Hitler visiting the Queen passed 1.7 million signatures, the tyrannical dictator offered to meet the new President in secret. Hair Force 1 arrived at Buckingham Palace just after...

80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused by a severe vitamin C deficiency that commonly affected pirates...

The United States Federal Communications Commission (FCC) will be confiscating all copies of George Orwell’s novel 1984 and burning all copies of Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, as part of the Trump administration’s request.  According to the administration, local...

Rumours that this year's magic mushroom season has been a let down are made of regret and the memory of socks from Bolivia, says a lamp in this giant spoon. The story began once upon...

Saudi Arabia moved swiftly to reassure the British people this evening that the resignation of Michael Fallon has not caught them by surprise and they are finalising their short list to choose the next...

Joe Griffiths, from Rochdale, has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics after discovering the sun is HOT. It turns out that Isaac Newton wasn't the only one to have a scientific epiphany whilst sitting...

Many alternative names were considered. The United Front of Judean People. This was taken unfortunately by a group lead by David Davis and Sajid Javid. Splitters!

Local high fat enthusiast and walking cardiac arrest Wayne Bucket who inexplicably made it to the finals of Great British Menu, has been voted off the show.  The show pits the country's top chefs against...

Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was busily reporting the death of the kumquat-hued POTUS in a...

The UK has today agreed with former UKIP leadership challenger Suzanne Evans when she said the party needed an image change. Preferably to a less ghastly parody of the KKK.  Interviewed by the BBC, Ms...

In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the blame for its deadly effects onto people. The virus, which was...

As the country basks in the glory of Team GB's second place in the Olympic medal table, China released a press statement saying, "The People's Republic of China wishes to congratulate the British team for...

Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone has been pronouncing its name incorrectly. Long pronounced Keen-warh by people...

Massive Star Wars fan Derek Ducaccus has admitted that the entire series on the whole is a "bit shit if he was being honest." It's not anything normal folk didn't already know but for...