Other News

A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just the size" said knob measuring boffin Dr Klopp of Rochdale's...

As panic buying continues, one branch of LIDL has opened a second till. Regional Manager Labia McKenzie, 17, said "We've taken the drastic measure of opening till number 3 at our store in Corby. The...

Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early hours of this morning. Despite explaining that "leave" means "get out"...

Scientists from Rochdale's Community University have finally managed to find a cure for human sexuality after asking people to imagine Ann Widdecombe fiddling with herself in a bubble bath. Homosexuals and heterosexuals of all genders...

After 51 years, the DFS sale has finally come to an end. With the news from Prime Minister Boris Johnson that the UK has effectively gone into lockdown, the board of furniture giant DFS have...

Turkeys up and down the country are said to be delighted that they are now in a position to finally "get Christmas done." "We've been oven-ready for months." A spokes-turkey told The Rochdale Herald in...

The Coronavirus responsible for the current global pandemic, Covid-19, has described its recent infection of Prime Minister Boris Johnson as "exhausting, sweaty, and one of the worst things I've ever experienced".   Speaking to reporters outside...

A Rochdale primary school has come under fire from parents for casting a 9 year old Palestinian immigrant as the virgin Mary in the school's annual nativity play. Hanna, whose Christian Palestinian family travelled to...

Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to swim the Channel underwater (he did it for a bet...

There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled. The news comes after many months of negotiations between Downing Street and Marston's Brewery collapsed...

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively confirm that David Blunkett is still blind. Mr Blunkett confirmed the findings of his most recent eye sight test earlier today. A spokesman told us, "Earlier today Mr Blunkett used...

Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.

The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers. In an article entitled, 'Let our teachers be heros' ...

Ryanair have today announced that they will start charging depressed passengers for bringing emotional baggage with them onto their flights. The budget airline has said many customers will no longer be able to bring their...

Finally, after what feels like years of writing about this car crash of a government you NHS applauding, social distance ignoring flag shaggers voted in, we have something positive to report about the PM. ...

Nigel Farage has responded to criticism from Andrew Neill that Brexit Party no longer has a reason to exist following their total annihilation in the exit polls in the General Election by saying it isn't all...