UKIP launch party leader toy doll (with interchangeable head)

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The almost defunct and already totally irrelevant United Kingdom Independence Party, known better as UKIP, have today announced that they are to launch a range of toy doll merchandise following their recent party conference....
magistrates court

Rochdale Man jailed for 15 years for leaving teabag in sink

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Rochdale man Steve Dickinson (38 and a half) has been convicted to 15 years in prison after being found guilty of leaving his teabag in the sink. Mr Dickinson made a cup of tea on...

Rochdale PR firms enters FTSE 250 after winning Simon Danczuk crisis management contract

There was jubilation in Rochdale this afternoon as Clifford Savile Associates PLC announced their entry into the FTSE 250 for the first time. The news follows their recent multi-million pound crisis management contract with serial...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn counterfeit poppy scandal

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There is outrage in many political and charitable quarters today after rumours emerged that senior members of the Labour Party have been selling Remembrance Day poppies and memorabilia to supplement their parliamentary incomes.
Theresa May (licence)

Brexit date to be celebrated by New ‘May Day’ Bank Holiday.

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It has been announced that as of 2019, the 29th of March will become known as 'May Day' in recognition of the glorious achievements of the Prime Minister in guiding the nation to separation...
Cross Eyed Man

The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...

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Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...
Rich People

Millionaires ‘very sorry’ following £70,000 fine

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A political party full of millionaires has said that the huge £70,000 fine they received for breaking electoral rules will really teach them a lesson. “Oh yes,” said Lord Sir Chipperfield Jenkins-Smithe III MBE, “We’re...

Rochdale Murderer Caught

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There was shock and disbelief amongst Rochdale motorists yesterday as the police went out and caught a murderer, instead of stopping poor innocent speed enthusiasts. Events unfolded during rush hour yesterday when police observed an...

Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...

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John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at Aston Villa. It is believed that Mr Terry, the immortal gant...

Getting drunk and falling over is the real meaning of Christmas, says everyone

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Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the British public. Narrowly beating 'Two days off work' and 'Getting an...

Elon Musk to harness teenage angst as source of renewable energy

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South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource". A spokesperson for Mr Musk, who has made astonishing breakthroughs in other forms of...
Brussels Cathedral

New Year to be rung in with chimes of Brussels Cathedral

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Engineers have said it is unlikely they will be able to restore the chimes of Big Ben in time for New Year's Eve. Chief Engineer Kevin Phillips-Bong told us "We have a problem with...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove has to be gripped by the head with tweezers to be removed...

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The Assembly of Royal Veterinary Surgeons has issued guidance this evening on how to remove Michael Gove from British government. "He has to be gripped by the head with tweezers, as close to his cabinet...

A new Pokemon Go addition announced today is the Govey

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The rare Pokemon can be found near knife drawers and can be evolved from its natural Tory stage, to raging Racist Govenator stage to it's final stage of evolution The Govegone, an invisible creature...
Celebrating Santa

WOW! SECRET SANTA UPDATE – 2,644 presents and £21,570 raised

The Big Fat Secret Santa appeal we're running with NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People in Local Papers and Tuckered is really gathering steam now. So far you've bought 2,644 presents. We think that...

Whitehall in panic as Chilcot Report left on N47 Deptford Bus

With only a little more than a month to go before the controversial Chilcot report is due to be released Whitehall has been thrown into chaos. Mandarins up and down the country have been recalled...

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