Teenager with first name ‘Giggs’ finally, inevitably, murders his father.
Giggs Johnson (17) was found guilty of murdering his father at Rochdale Court yesterday. In an unusual move the foreman of the jury addressed the judge saying "to be honest, m'lud, we'd all have...
Israel launches airstrike on anti-semitic moon after spacecraft crash
The first privately funded mission to the moon has had an apparent failure resulting in a crash.
The Israeli spacecraft called Beresheet had been sent on a mission to 'reclaim' ancient and rightful territory on...
Tory leadership contest to be between Mark Francois and two slices of cheap ham.
With Theresa May's grasp on power reduced to the nail varnish on one finger, the candidates to replace her have been formally announced.
Weighing in at 18 stone 7 lb and standing 5ft 2 and...
Writers of Brexit admit they’ve no idea how to end it and it’s going...
The writers behind the hit show, Brexit say they've no idea how to end the show and there are fears it could turn into Lost.
The show depicts what happens to the inhabitants of an...
Orla Guerin to visit Rochdale
Residents of Rochdale were battening down the hatches and taking positions in bunkers as the Angel of Death Orla Guerin came to visit the town.
The award winning BBC journalist is normally only to be...
Mark Francois – Gammon Messiah: A Parliamentary Sketch
An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it.
The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the gammon, the very crackling of Parliament, to dissuade the speaker...
University of Life wondering where all its economics graduates came from.
The University of Life has expressed surprise at the number of people on Facebook claiming to have studied there and who are suddenly experts on economics.
Vice-Chancellor and senior lecturer on vice, Bob Logg, told...
Britons aghast at realisation that Brexit Bonus is Michael Gove as P.M.
Ordinary, innocent Britons, along with many who voted Leave, were faced today with the horrendous realisation that the much vaunted 'Brexit Bonus' was likely to be 'having Michael Gove as Prime Minister'.
Ordinary, innocent Briton...
Britain invokes Dunkirk spirit of ‘running away’ as EC takes back control of Brexit.
Theresa May escaped from Brussels late last night, as a small flotilla of fishing boats each carried a tiny morsel of her shattered credibility from the Belgian coast before depositing it in a heap...
WTO confirms nations can trade with U.K. on a ‘pity fuck’ basis.
The WTO has confirmed that in the case of a no deal Brexit, member nations will be free to trade with the U.K. as an economic equivalent of a sympathy shag.
The unelected President of...
Asian family enjoying post night out curry accused of ‘Cultural Appropriation’
A British-Asian family came under intense fire today, after being accused of extreme 'cultural appropriation' from White groups, for enjoying a post pub curry at their local suburban Indian restaurant last weekend.
The Sharma family,...
Judgemental twat who starts every opinion with ‘I’m not being funny, but’ definitely is...
A man who enjoys character assassinating every person he encounters and then tries to excuse himself of any malice by saying 'I'm not being funny, but...' is definitely being funny, it has been confirmed.
Friends...
Labrador accused of virtue signaling by other dogs for returning thrown ball
A Labrador has been slammed by fellow dogs for 'conforming to archaic, patriarchal stereotypes' after returning a ball thrown by its owner, it was confirmed today.
Onlooking mutts watched in horror as Sandy the golden...
On St David’s Day, everyone at the Rochdale Herald would like to wish our...
So "Popity Ping" to you all.
Have a daffodil
Rochdale captains of industry look forward to purchasing artisans at new Rochdale Artisan Market
Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale.
"Following Brexit all my existing artisans will have to return to Polatia and...
Tommy Robinson announces plan to launch Ceefax page
Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and Instagram for being a racist toolkit.
"Ceefax is the perfect home...
