Brian Cox apologises for insisting Things Can Only Get Better

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Astrologer to the stars Professor Brian Cox has finally come clean about his greatest fib told way back in 1993.

The Canary fails to overthrow Tories with 5,638th consecutive screen grab of tweet

6
For the 5638th consecutive time, Kerry-Anne Mendoza has failed to overthrow the nearly-elected government of the UK.  Having scraped a sardonic tweet from a celebrity...
Marxist Bedwetter

John Lewis advert “Darkly Sinister”

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John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black...

Telegraph journalist executes her integrity with call to murder politician

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Sane people all over the country were horrified, but largely unsurprised, that right-wing publication the Daily Telegraph had called for a political leader...

Piers Morgan distraught after accidentally flushing article down the bog

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He'd just logged on Vox populi Piers Morgan (yeah I used Latin, deal with it, what comic do you think you're reading, the Mail?) has...

George Osborne represents the new Standard Londoner

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There was surprise throughout the media world today when it was announced that Gideon "George" Osborne, MP for Tatton, would join the London Evening...

Nobody Offended By Twitter Joke

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A joke posted on Twitter yesterday has met with a complete lack of offence for the first time in history. The joke which reads "Most...

Gove dances The Macarena at Cenotaph, scores 9’s

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Michael Gove danced a scintillating version of The Macarena at the Cenotaph, scored straight 9's but The Sun photographer missed it. Today at the cenotaph...

Liberal elite should stop bullying Stalin says Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail has instructed its readers to avoid the film, The Death of Stalin. In an editorial piece the Mail said, "This film...

Some bloke in UKIP said something about the BBC

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Bill Etheridge, a candidate for hard right conservative comedy troupe UKIP has said that the BBC should be privatised because it's "shoving left wing...

Gay Muslims for Christmas – supermarket turns up the inclusion to 11 with groundbreaking...

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Pray together, lay together Scottish supermarket retailer Laldy has long sought to be a market disrupter by bringing cheap, if slightly bizarre, product, combinations. This...

‘Fake Sheikh’ Gets 15 Months For Making Obscene Phone Calls

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Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone...

Heroic ‘fragile snowflake’ Piers Morgan attempts to man up by sitting on a sofa

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Piers Morgan will today make a daring attempt to return to doing what he does best. Sitting on his arse while regurgitating tripe about...
The Sun

The Sun to relaunch as Colouring Book

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The UK’s second best-selling hate rag, The Sun, is to be relaunched as a colouring book.  As of next week, the Murdoch-owned ‘newspaper’ will cease...

UK in shock after Corbyn refuses to answer trick question

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Big news! Corbyn, asked if the UK will leave the EU "come hell or high water" if he becomes PM, refused 6 times to...

Stop being puffs about the word gay Clarkson tells queers

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In the latest scandal to hit the trio of millionaire cold cut deniers, the runt of the litter, Richard Hammond caused controversy earlier this...

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