The Canary Website

Why isn’t the media reporting UK government mass genocide? Asks The Canary

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The Canary has today revealed what the mainstream media (msm) won't. That the Tory led Government have committed mass genocide in a bid to...
Angry People

Rochdale Herald distances itself from Rochdale Herald Online question whether Daily Mail Editor Paul...

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We are aware this may make us appear terribly foolish. The Rochdale Herald Editor, the late Quentin D Fortesqueue, is seething about the lack of...
Musician

2016 maintains the Status Quo

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2016 has been everybody's annus horibilis, and it is with great regret that we announce the death of Status Quo legend Rick Parfitt. Having survived...

Billy Bush reinstated after “Today” apologises to him

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Billy Bush is to return to the Today programme after receiving a grovelling apology from the network owners.  They have also sacked the producers and...

Satirists face existential crisis

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Satirists around the world face extinction due to rising stupidity levels and utter fucking idiocy. "How am I supposed to write satire about this, there's...

Nobody knows what that Facebook fisher is going on about

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It was revealed today that nobody knows what that friend who keeps posting attention seeking statuses is actually on about.

ISIS Second In Command Killed Again

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The Daily Express has reported for the eighth time this month the death of so called Islamic State's second in command. "He was killed by...

UK in shock after Corbyn refuses to answer trick question

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Big news! Corbyn, asked if the UK will leave the EU "come hell or high water" if he becomes PM, refused 6 times to...

Satirists run out of ink

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Thousands of satirists across the UK and their tens of readers around the world face a crisis as the supplies of ink slowed to...

The Canary fails to overthrow Tories with 5,638th consecutive screen grab of tweet

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For the 5638th consecutive time, Kerry-Anne Mendoza has failed to overthrow the nearly-elected government of the UK.  Having scraped a sardonic tweet from a celebrity...

Princess Diana’s ghost gives Express readers advice on how to deal with slippery driving...

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The ghost of Diana, Thingy of Wales, has been giving Daily Express readers advice on how to survive the cold weather. Speaking through a medium,...

Universal Tax Credit not as funny as reductive jokes about benefit cuts complain satirists

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The National Union of Terrible Satirists, or NUTS, released a statement today complaining that it's almost impossible to make jokes about Universal Tax Credit because it's too bloody complicated.

Scientists prove dementia risk reduced by not reading The Sun

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Scientists at the Rochdale Institute for Cerebral Health have released the results of a long running study into dementia and how not reading The...
Broadcast

BBC Radio 2 breakfast show ratings soar, as listeners want their bloody money’s worth

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As the dust starts to settle on Terry Wogan's grave after being disturbed so much by him spinning in it, the Rochdale Herald can...

Piers Morgan distraught after accidentally flushing article down the bog

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He'd just logged on Vox populi Piers Morgan (yeah I used Latin, deal with it, what comic do you think you're reading, the Mail?) has...

Nobody Offended By Twitter Joke

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A joke posted on Twitter yesterday has met with a complete lack of offence for the first time in history. The joke which reads "Most...

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