National News

Theresa May has urged MP's to get behind her awful Brexit plan or risk not being able to have Brexit. With many people warning that it's a really stupid thing Mrs May said, "That's why...

The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit. Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will be a celebration of everything that is great about Brexit...

Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people. Employee Bill Board told us, "It came as a shock at first and I...

Hamelin Town Hall has announced today that they have struck a deal with Anna Soubry to end their problems with flocks of Gammons in the beleaguered town. The deal, of which neither side will...

A Starbucks in Manchester was evacuated today after a man called Alan Akbar ordered a Caramel Frappuccino. Alan told us, "I was out shopping and fancied a quick coffee. I've been in Starbucks a couple...

Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Grayling, the man who brought you the seminal work, Railway Timetable in...

The Queen acted out a stamp for the 60th year running during the traditional game of Charades at Sandringham yesterday. An insider told us, "She does it every year. And every year everyone is expected...

Theresa May has finally got into the spirit of Christmas by ordering a massive census of everybody in the UK and slaughtering all of the first-born children. The news comes on the anniversary of Theresa...

Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre to close down. A spokesman told us, "At 3 this afternoon...

Dads are said to be giddy with excitement at the news that it's only one more sleep until they can start their Christmas shopping. Dads around the country are thought to be considering thinking about...

A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to flights at Gatwick airport, police have told The Rochdale Herald. In...

Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa didn't get his CRB check in in time. He submitted...

Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan. A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing as it means a more robust immigration policy can be...

The political right, bigots, misogynists, anti-feminists and liars across the country united yesterday, to fully embrace political correctness, after the opposition leader was accused of calling a stupid woman a "stupid woman". It is unclear...

There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu. A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've heard the Queen isn't happy about it but the Government...

Lewis Hamilton has upset slums all over the world by comparing them to Stevenage. The five-time Formula 1 world champion made the faux pas while on stage losing the BBC Sports Personality of the Year...