National News

UKIP party leader, former archbishop of Canterbury, Duke of Edinburgh in Waiting and Huddersfield Town striker, Paul Nuttall has been named as the captain of the UK's waterboarding team for the 2020...

Stuart Anderson, has resumed his place in the Borough Market cheese stall queue. Anderson, 34, told the Herald that he was going to a dinner party on Wednesday, and the rule was to bring an...

Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have yet to come to fruition. ISIS-supporter and sad little wanker,...

It's one of the most famous stories, if not the most famous, in the English language. It's been made into countless films, plays and TV adaptions. But for Theresa May it has a fatal...

Parents up and down the country have thrown their support behind the Conservatives today after details emerged of a radical new plan to abolish school holidays and send children to school for 12 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.

Tim Farron has been left looking sheepish in his chair after Andrew Neil cancelled the Liberal Democrat leader's interview just moments into the opening statement. Neil interrupted Farron and said "Why should anyone listen to you? You're party...

After appointing her recently bereaved Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take flack from 'the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally' - Daily Mail, in yesterday's leaders debate. The Supreme Commander of the Strong and...

A Rochdale resident has announced he's suing Ancestory.com after a DNA test showed he shares 60% of his DNA with a banana.  He's citing inaccuracies in the data namely, that he's not a banana as his grounds...

In a hair raising exclusive, The Rochdale Herald has discovered the secret to the frankly unhinged character of the Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson is linked to his unconventional hairstyle. We spoke to his hairstylist, Quiff...

Know Thyself, a charity dedicated to helping older people come to terms with physical changes, is to present Theresa May with a full length mirror. A round of applause will follow. The ceremony will be...

Splendid Afros around the world have taken to Twitter to condemn Diane Abbot for being a complete idiot. Diane Abbot was interviewed on the Andrew Marr programme and seemingly blamed her support for the IRA...

Theresa May will relaunch her election campaign today with a classic bit of fighting kit. A trebuchet nicknamed 'Warwolf". The trebuchet, effectively a giant catapult, was one of the famous workhorses of political campaigning before...

As the temperature hits 25C in Leeds sweaty rioters armed with Soleros and Lyon's Maid Choc Ices are rioting in Leeds Centre and are currently barricaded in Argos. It is believed the civil unrest started...

In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today. The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...

Theresa May is reported to be surrounded by a Bomb Disposal Unit this evening after the discovery of an unexploded grenade inside her ass. The grenade, nicknamed "Dementia Tax" was apparently inserted into May's rear...