National News

The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage. "I didn't know which way to turn," squealed his High Vicarage. "Peter made his comment...

Praying for the survivors and victims of the Grenfell Tower fire is definitely the least you can do experts have claimed. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College said, "We've analysed a range of things...

Unfortunately an opportunity to have that shit in your family who disagrees with you captive for a few hours is too much for some

A teenager has told us how he believes he's bought his girlfriend the perfect Christmas gift. 16 year old Nathan Brindley has been seeing Emma Featherstone since April this year. He told us, "I read...

In a world first a woman from Rochdale who told her husband that she was “fine” has turned out to really be “fine”. Genuinely she’s “fine’. We didn't believe it either. Barbara Dickinson, 35 and a...

Experts are tonight warning that Britain's stoner community could run out of things to talk about in as little as 24 hours. The warnings come amidst rumours that the Government is considering legalising cannabis. Dr...

A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

A Rochdale Man who was running dangerously low on half price Pringle socks from TK Maxx has praised friends and relatives for stepping in and buying him almost two dozen pairs for Christmas.

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour has concluded that they were more likely to get their...

In a shock statement today the 1970's have told 2016 to go back to its own timeline where it belongs.  In July a third of the country decided to flee the oppression of prosperity and...

The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K gold walk. Orange walks take place throughout the year but the...

The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a church at Christmas. The advert encouraging people to consume mindlessly,...

A large scale riot has erupted, leaving two police officers in critical condition and requiring a joint effort between the police and Army reserves. At approximately eleven o'clock this morning, emergency services were dispatched to...

Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis. Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class B drug to a totally legal drug. A McVitie's spokesman,...

Leading women's clothing shop owners have said they stock clothes with inconsistent sizing to mess with women's heads. One leading shop owner said, "We deliberately make our clothes quite large. So a size 10 here...

Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket of seasonal goods. Levels of fraughtness are expected to peak at...