National News

The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage. "I didn't know which way to turn," squealed his High Vicarage. "Peter made his comment...

The majority of British people are now incapable of making a decision without first holding a referendum, according to a study published today. Researchers from Rochdale Commuity University found that 86% of people they...

Unfortunately an opportunity to have that shit in your family who disagrees with you captive for a few hours is too much for some

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour has concluded that they were more likely to get their...

A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

Know Thyself, a charity dedicated to helping older people come to terms with physical changes, is to present Theresa May with a full length mirror. A round of applause will follow. The ceremony will be...

Prime Minister Theresa May will change her name to Votey McVoteface ahead of this Thursday's general election. With the election a matter of hours away and with Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party snapping at the Tories'...

A Rochdale Man who was running dangerously low on half price Pringle socks from TK Maxx has praised friends and relatives for stepping in and buying him almost two dozen pairs for Christmas.

In a world first a woman from Rochdale who told her husband that she was “fine” has turned out to really be “fine”. Genuinely she’s “fine’. We didn't believe it either. Barbara Dickinson, 35 and a...

The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a church at Christmas. The advert encouraging people to consume mindlessly,...

In a shock statement today the 1970's have told 2016 to go back to its own timeline where it belongs.  In July a third of the country decided to flee the oppression of prosperity and...

A large scale riot has erupted, leaving two police officers in critical condition and requiring a joint effort between the police and Army reserves. At approximately eleven o'clock this morning, emergency services were dispatched to...

Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis. Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class B drug to a totally legal drug. A McVitie's spokesman,...

Leading women's clothing shop owners have said they stock clothes with inconsistent sizing to mess with women's heads. One leading shop owner said, "We deliberately make our clothes quite large. So a size 10 here...

A Rochdale man has been kidnapped by US intelligence services and sent to Guantanamo Bay after he complained to his local Barclays Bank about high overdraft charges. Quentin D. Fortesqueue, editor of The Rochdale Herald,...

The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K gold walk. Orange walks take place throughout the year but the...