National News

Charlotte, a seven year old English Bulldog, is heart broken after a new baby was born this morning in her family. She admits to being pleased her female owner came through birthing the human puppy...

Coming over here, shitting in our woods... A small bear arrived in this country some years ago. The friendly bear, with his old hat, battered suitcase, duffel coat, and love of marmalade, seemed like the...

Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.” “It is imperative, at this time of national crisis, for us to be clear that not all white twats...

Hospital staff were apparently left flabbergasted at the Duke of Edinburgh's casually racist remarks during a recent impromptu visit by Death, the harvester of souls. His Royal Highness had been admitted to King Edward VII...

British Unity Nationally Guaranteed Treasury Minister Terry Axe announced today that British Unity Nationally Guaranteed (aka B.U.N.G.) payments will start shortly as part of delivering the Conservative and Unionist National Transition Schedule (aka, well, never...

Theresa May today totally smashed Paul Pogba's world transfer fee record into smithereens after purchasing 10 Northern Irish defenders for a yet to be finalised sum believed to be in the region of £1.5...

Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. 'We heard about the poor woman's plight and knew we had to do something,'...

Nicola Sturgeon is to give a massive boost to renewable energy later today by droning on about the "way forward for Scotland" and as many IndyRefs as it will take to power the National...

Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers. "I heard that public sector plebs were getting a 1% rise this year" said...

Two Rochdale conspiracy theorists have been telling the Herald that they've come to the conclusion that nobody is in charge. The pair, known only as X-file and Opus Dei to protect their identity from Government...

HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point out that the hospitalisation was purely precautionary as the result...

Camden fire chiefs are today red faced at having to admit to missing bleedin' obvious fire hazards in poor peoples' containment blocks on all previous safety checks. Following the Grenfell block fire tragedy councils across...

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...

Prince Harry has been ruled unfit for work by ATOS after attending a work capability assessment. "The Prince was sanctioned last month after he missed his first appointment; the excuse given was that he was...

By means of adding injury to insult, nefarious super villain and national traitor Jeremy Corbyn went one step lower in his ceaseless quest to disrespect our glorious monarch Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II by...

The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will only do it if we force him to. Harry, surprisingly red...