National News

A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his legs in the bath twice a week and has an...

The Home Office has issued advice to the nation’s gardeners this year that they should be storing this year’s autumn leaves for use as currency after the apocalypse. “It's just a precautionary measure. There is...

Forget looking into your bride's eyes on your wedding day, you don't know what love is until you become a parent and hold your baby for the first time, says a patronising twat. Hugh Donnow,...

As Storm Brian barrels towards the UK with increasing media fury Scottish islanders are preparing to offer counselling to Londoners, and other bewildered southerners, who lose wheelie bins up and down their streets as...

The Scottish government has confirmed that children will no longer be able to use Smack in Scotland. The move would make the country the first region in the UK to make it completely illegal for...

A patio chair in Milnrow is bracing himself for an absolutely terrible few days after news that yet another storm with high winds is brewing. The white plastic chair, part of a set of four...

A small building firm in Lancashire has become the first builder in the history of the industry to finish a job on time and under budget. Local builder Bob, who is known to his friends...

A laptop in an office in Rochdale has undergone a comprehensive software update without completely screwing up his owner’s day. The laptop, which is an old Dell that has been dropped several times, made the...

A woman from Rochdale has taken the extraordinary decision to not dick about with the central heating thermostat. Barbara Dickinson responded to the fact that she was feeling a little bit chilly by going upstairs...

A bloke’s glowing description of himself on his CV definitely does not bear any resemblance to observations of his personality, it has emerged. During a recent interview Graham Jones, an accountant from Leicester, was asked...

The Scottish National Party has released an official statement denying that their desire for Scottish independence is motivated by a historic mistrust of the English, explaining that it’s actually the Welsh they want to...

A VHS video recorder that has been languishing in the loft of a house in Middleton briefly saw the light of day this afternoon. The once state of the art Sanyo integrated TV and VCR...

Kensington palace said the breeding pair were “delighted” to be adding to their lounge and already have two hatchlings: Prince George, four, and his younger sister Charlotte, two.

The island of Ireland had braced itself for the oncoming of storm Ophelia in the best Irish tradition, with a night of craic and a barrel of Guinness. On Monday it was reported that over...

London's last surviving affordable plumber has been killed by poachers in Clapham, according to a conservation group that protects a dwindling group of reliable tradesmen in London, estimated to be as few as 15. The...

People all over the UK who have ears and access to either a door or a window have confirmed that it's a bit windy outside. It wasn't windy earlier in the day but started to...