It’s too damn hot to write satire says satirist
Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news.
"It's...
One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns
At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...
Rochdale UKIP councillor demands best of three for Re-Referendum
Following the announcement that Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith has promised to hold a second referendum on Brexit if he topples Jeremy Corbyn in the upcoming...
Woman in critical condition after Ocado delivery goes right
A Rochdale woman was said to be in a stable condition after being rushed to Rochdale Infirmary this morning. An ambulance was called to...
Rochdale Twin Towns To Be Replaced Post-Brexit
In line with the decision taken by the government that following the UK's departure from the EU, British towns will no longer be allowed...
Theresa May to communicate Brexit deal using dance
Theresa May will communicate the UK's Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance.
One insider told us, "The...
Man pretending to understand the wine list
A man is trying his very hardest to look like he understands the wine list in a restaurant.
Steve Dickinson was handed the wine list...
UKIP Apologises For Not Knowing What Obvious Means
UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp.
The announcement came after a social media...
Industrial Action Threatened as British Workers Jobs at Threat in Languages Row
Reports that several British workers have had their employment terminated from the world famous British sofa manufacturer Zestra, because they failed to learn Polish...
Police free distressed dog left in locked car in Burnley carpark
POLICE were forced to smash the window of a locked car parked outside Asda in order release a distressed dog inside the vehicle on...
Well I’ve never caught anything off my kids before, Facebook mum lies
Before 2020, Rochdale mum Di Coughlan had rarely posted anything other than pictures of her adorable children and grimacing husband. That all changed a...
Burnley Analytica implicated in Pie Market fixing scandal
The highly influential research and strategy group, Burnley Analytica, have been accused of unfairly influencing the, multi-pound Northern Pie Market.
An undercover investigation, by Baked...
DNA analysis of white poo on Rochdale street reveals that it comes from a...
Experts tracking down rogue dog owners in Rochdale came up with the shocking news that prehistoric species are alive and kicking. What's more, the...
Wife suspects husband of having an affair with his shed
A wife has begun to suspect her husband of having an affair with his shed.
“He was the most doting husband when we first married,”...
Rochdale River Opening Big Mistake
Council bosses stumbled across some architectural documents relating to the newly uncovered River Roach in the town centre on Tuesday.
Deep in the bowels of...
US Government admits covering up red alert over imminent asteroid impact
Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's...
