Rochdale – Labour NEC “Can’t find its arse with both hands”

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In the face of the least popular Tory Government since the Peterloo Massacre, Labour has decided not to bother being an opposition of any sort by failing to find its collective arse with both...

Outrage in Rochdale over proposed Santa suit ban

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Rochdale religious groups are screaming red white and blue murder over a proposed ban on the traditional Santa suit. This follows the New Year outrage in Turkey when in the early hours of New Year's...

Elderly Leave voter mistakes Hovis advert for childhood memories

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An elderly leave voter has been telling the Herald about his childhood and it's very similar to the Hovis advert. Roy Bader, 72, who's never been to Dorset or Yorkshire said, "When i were a...

Really clean woman furious with ‘Not OCD’ diagnosis

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A local woman is said to be furious to discover that she isn't actually OCD. "I clean the floor and hoover the curtains three times a day!" Barbara Dickinson, a 47 year old bank teller...
Water Treatment

Lancashire residents to be given counselling as water supply found to be contaminated with...

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Water company United Utilities has been fined £300,000 after supplying water unfit for human consumption. Nearly a million households in Lancashire were warned they should boil tap water to within an inch of its life...
theresa nay laughing

Theresa May to communicate Brexit deal using dance

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Theresa May will communicate the UK's Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance. One insider told us, "The Prime Minister has decided that her dancing has been such...
Rochdale

Violent scenes erupt in Rochdale

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Violent scenes today in Rochdale as the public demonstrated their extreme anger that Honey G remains in the X Factor, while genuinely talented people haven't bothered with the career ending puppet show. The violence was focused on...
Danczuk

Simon Danczuk wins Prestigious most Tory Tweet Award 2017 Le Chatte d’Or

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Simon Danczuk has won the 2017 most Tory Tweet Award after taking to Twitter to complain about homeless beggars in Rochdale today.

It’s a muffin say experts ending the debate once and for all

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An argument over the name of a baked bread product that is traditionally cut in twain and filled with goodness like chips, bacon or sausage has been raging accross British counties since the dawn...

Man thrown out of vegan cult for wearing donkey jacket

There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey jacket. Graeme Corbin, long time jam enthusiast and dairy free yoghurt...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...
Man laughing

Serious satirists no laughing matter

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150-times winner of the 12-monthly Rochdale Herald annual 'Best satirical news site, based in Rochdale', the Rochdale Herald, has recently left readers puzzled.   It is claimed that the Herald has taken to being serious...
steak pie

Burnley Analytica implicated in Pie Market fixing scandal

The highly influential research and strategy group, Burnley Analytica, have been accused of unfairly influencing the, multi-pound Northern Pie Market. An undercover investigation, by Baked Goods Weekly, has unearthed astounding evidence of a conspiracy to...

GMP Rochdale Plan Devolving Police Powers

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A plan to devolve police powers in Rochdale has been given the green light. This will be the biggest shakeup in policing since since Robert Peel introduced the police force in 1829. The plan involves a...

British celts forced to admit fighting trousers no good against Roman legionaries

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“The weather was our best asset.” The Society admitted. “There were voices in the early years of Roman expansion within Britannia who argued we should just hold a non-stop series of BBQ’s for the Romans until they got fed up trying to spit things in the rain and went home. It's actually how we got rid of Caesar back in BC dates.”

‘Fake Sheikh’ Gets 15 Months For Making Obscene Phone Calls

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Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone calls in contravention of the Communications Act 2003.   Mr McNood,...

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