Theresa May

Theresa May’s Rituals

"Theresa May is signalling distress." Dr. Maca Damia comments, viewing photos of the Prime Minister kneeling by the road just inside Wales. "Do you see what she has in her hands?" Dr. Damia is a clinical...

Trump claims fitness app data proves he has more troops than Kim Jong-Un

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President Donald Trump told the world that "there's nobody better than me on the military" last night as he ushers in new era of transparency for the Pentagon. As the war of words with North...
Trump Walking

Trump to visit Texas just as soon as the golf courses have been reopened

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Donald Trump has announced he intends to visit areas of Texas affected by flooding just as soon as the cleaning operation on Texan golf courses is complete. In a tweet Trump said, "Wow. Just had confirmation...
RAF Typhoon

What could possibly go wrong, asks West

Western leaders have suggested that nothing could possibly go wrong by attacking Syria and this time will definitely be different to Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya because, you know, reasons. Politicians are completely sure that bombing...

Trump says there’s more skeletons in his closet after FBI find six

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Potential Commander in Chief and obsessive tiny handed gesturer, Donald Trump, made the extraordinary admittance in an interview with CNN. The revelation came as the FBI raided his luxary solid gold maisonette in Long Island,...
Sorry Trump

Donald Trump ‘very sorry’ for accidentally nuking North Carolina

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As the world looked on with intrigue and anticipation at the spat between the USA and North Korea, a horrifying incident occurred. With the talks heating up, appearing ever-more likely to end in bloodshed,...
Scaramucci

I only just learned how to spell Scaramucci and he’s been fucking fired, complains...

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A highly paid and widely syndicated satirist has complained about the firing of the White House Head of Communications Antony Scarymuchly, as he’s only just learned how to spell Scarrimoochme. “It’s bad enough that this...

Thank God it was a lone wolf with mental issues and not a terrorist...

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More than 50 people have been killed and over 200 injured in a gun attack in Las Vegas, Nevada, today. It has become the worst such attack in recent history with the death toll...

Hilary Clinton’s emails confirm she would have already nuked North Korea

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Further extracts reveal she had plans to construct “Wall Street on the Korean Peninsula” once the “dust and stuff has settled.”
Muhammadu Buhari

President of corrupt shithole country to meet President of Nigeria Muhammadu Buhari

Nigerian President Muhammadu Buhari will become the first leader from sub-Saharan Africa to be received by the President of the corrupt North American tin pot banana republic, The United States, Donald Trump. They are expected...

North Korea fury after Trump sends dick pic following Kim Kardashian meeting

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North Korean media has reacted angrily after Donald Trump allegedly sent Kim Jong Un a photo of his genitalia. Spokesman for North Korea, Ban-Ki-Han-Ki said, "It was a shame because it had been a good...
Donald Trump

Trump to play 25 rounds of golf in honour of Texan dead

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Donald Trump has defended a decision to play 25 rounds of golf in Japan saying it's in honour of the dead in Texas. The gesture came as another mass shooting in America, took the number...

Area 51 to Close Aliens Expelled – Trump Conversation with Galactic Emperor ‘Worst...

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Donald Trump has ordered the closure of Area 51 and the immediate expulsion of all aliens.  During a turbulent conversation with The Galactic Emperor, which Mr Trump tweeted as "the worst yet", he also demanded...
Gun old lady

Why does this keep happening, ask imbeciles who keep selling guns to people who...

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Fuckwits in America who keep blocking gun control reform have been forced to once again ask the question "why do mass shootings happen over and over again?" At least seventeen children have been shot whilst...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in detail, the term means.  Deputy Minister for Brexitty Things, Raymond Sister...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump denies allegations he has rigged erections

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The allegation was made by Anthony "Fandango" Scaramucci following his removal from post. The President's former tiny-right-hand man lashed out indiscriminately at his former employer, calling him 'soft in the head'. Melania Trump refused...

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