Nuclear Bomb

Only a good guy with a nuclear weapon can stop a bad guy with...

The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That's according to the...
Elephants

NRA claims that fewer elephants would be shot by hunters if more of them...

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The National Rifle Association has today put out a statement claiming that fewer African elephants would fall victim to big game hunters if they...
Quantum Leap

Dr Samuel Beckett stuck in 2016 after failing to ‘put right what once went...

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In the mid 1990's Physicist Dr Samuel Beckett blazed a trail by stepping into his Quantum Leap accelerator and vanishing. In actual fact he woke to...

Americans relieved to learn shooter was atheist

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Concerned Americans were today relieved to hear that the Texas shooting was carried out by a human rights supporting atheist. Initially, US citizens were horrified...
Donald Trump

Trump to play 25 rounds of golf in honour of Texan dead

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Donald Trump has defended a decision to play 25 rounds of golf in Japan saying it's in honour of the dead in Texas. The gesture...

Trump Spokesman Revealed As Black Knight

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The Herald can exclusively reveal today that the Trump campaign aide, Michael Cohen, is the mysterious Black Knight.   The secretive warrior and guard to stuff...

We’re going to build a wall and America is going to pay for it...

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There was outrage across the United States this afternoon after the President of Mexico said "fuck this shit" and vowed to close the border...

Toymaker confesses he made Melania Trump to keep Pinocchio company

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A Tuscan toymaker has ended days of speculation by confessing he made a new female doll to keep his infamous, lying, long nosed boy...
Gun old lady

Why does this keep happening, ask imbeciles who keep selling guns to people who...

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Fuckwits in America who keep blocking gun control reform have been forced to once again ask the question "why do mass shootings happen over...

Trump gives world a ‘pearl necklace’ as withdrawal does not stop emissions

President Donald J. Trump will keep his promise not to come in the world’s mouth and insisted he would squirt his emissions onto the...
Trump Bed

Donald Trump insists the song “You’re so vain” was written about him

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The President of the United States, Donald Trump attended a party in the exclusive Hamptons recently and apparently walked in like he was walking...

eBay To Close Sundays 

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The world's biggest online auction site has today announced plans to close every Sunday to give all their low paid workers a much needed...

Liam Fox Seeks Trade Deal With ISIS

International Trade Secretary Liam Fox will fly into Iraq later today in the hope of securing a trade deal with the so-called 'Islamic State'. Fox...
Venezuela

Sinn Fein election observer confirms Venezuelan blowjobs, cocaine and elections are best in world

"I've had my share of blowjobs," confirms Jarry Odoms, mouthpiece of Sinn Fein. "But nobody does erections, I mean elections, like the Venezuelans. Now...

UKIP reveal solution to ‘Irish Problem’

Paul Nuttall revealed UKIP's Irish policy this afternoon and raised more hair than usual. "It's clear Ireland is a problem as the United Kingdom hurtles...
International Thundercunt

Donald Trump wins ‘International Thundercunt of the Year Award’ after declaring war on children

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President Donald Trump has been awarded the International Thundercunt of the Year Award following his decision to remove protections for young people brought into...

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