All guns to be armed with guns
In the wake of the latest mass shooting of innocent people to take place on U.S. soil, the National Rifle Association has issued a...
Everybody is an expert all of a sudden, complains Norn Iron
Unusual moment of unity sweeps province.
“Yous, yous only gives a shite if it affects yous,” a spokeswoman said today. “Unless something happens on the...
‘What happened on Alderaan was terrible but I condemn the violence done by all...
Obi Wan Kenobi, under pressure from Yoda and other members of the ghost Jedi Council to condemn the destruction of Alderaan, has issued a...
American lawmakers to submerge Donald Trump in barrel of water to see if he...
It was announced today via The USA news site that Donald Trump will be immersed in a barrel of water to see if he...
Mike Pence attends Broadway musical by mistake
Vice-President elect Mike Pence was roundly booed after he attended a performance of Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’ entirely by accident.
UKIP corruption proves EU corruption say UKIP
Documents leaked to Sky News showing that, should results be confirmed, UKIP have been misappropriating EU cash prove that the EU is dodgy, claimed...
Scandal as Trump attempts to circumvent physical laws
In his bid to become master of the universe, Donald Trump has postulated a new set of axioms about the physical universe as we...
Da Vinci’s ‘My Spunky Pantaloons’ sells for £45m
A previously unknown Leonardo da Vinci work "My Spunky Pantaloons" has been bought bought by Charles Saatchi for £45m.
The jizzy kecks will be...
Donald Trump to present Steve Bannon with participation medal for service to America
“Bannon great American. Cant find greater. So great. Greater than Kennedy. Kennedy loser. Got shot. Only losers get shot. Couldnt even drive own car. Bannon deserve medal for participation at White Hoise! Turned up every day even when I didn't!”
Kim Jong Un can’t dance, that brother ain’t got no Seoul
“Kim Jong Un? He can’t dance, that brother ain’t got no Seoul. You know I put the rump into Trump babycakes. When I slut drop you know it’s going to be fire and fury on the dance floor.”
ISIS Second In Command Killed Again
The Daily Express has reported for the eighth time this month the death of so called Islamic State's second in command.
"He was killed by...
Saudi Arabia’s handling of Khashoggi killing worst cover up ever, says completely bald man
A completely bald man who is convinced everybody thinks he has a full head of hair has criticised Saudi Arabia's handling of the killing...
Trump’s Wall to be Made Out of Thoughts and Prayers
The latest twist in the ongoing farcical shitshow that is the US President's attempt to build an completely pointless wall simply because he said...
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, says King Felipe of Spain
During his state visit, the king of Spain addressed the British parliament yesterday. All went well until the king dropped the G-bomb: Gibraltar.
A...
Father Ted to use toy cow to explain perspective to Donald Trump
It’s hoped that repeatedly asking Donald Trump to examine both the toy cow and the cows visible at varying distances outside of the caravan will cause a lightbulb moment in the dark and empty space that serves as a brain for Donald, but no one is getting their hopes up.
President Trump ‘leaves toilet seat up’ claims explosive new book
Washington has been shocked by a controversial new book which claims that, on occasion, President Trump forgets to put the toilet seat down.
The...
