Potential asylum seekers now to be meme tested

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Following public outcry, The Home Office have announced new measures to establish the age of refugees.  Many Brits are shocked that someone who has had their home blown to smithereens might be so desperate as...
Trump Walking

Trump to visit Texas just as soon as the golf courses have been reopened

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Donald Trump has announced he intends to visit areas of Texas affected by flooding just as soon as the cleaning operation on Texan golf courses is complete. In a tweet Trump said, "Wow. Just had confirmation...
Donald Trump DNA

Donald Trump: DNA test finds ‘strong evidence’ of human DNA

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US President Donald Trump has revealed that a DNA test shows "strong evidence" that he is distantly related to human beings. He took the test after the Native American Democat Senator Elizabeth Warren taunted him...

Conspiracy theorists concerned nobody might be in charge after all

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American conspiracy theorists heads are exploding at an alarming rate as the two main presidential candidates get more and more terrible. "Up until yesterday I was pretty convinced that the reason that Donald Trump was running...

For the last time, Trump is nothing like Hitler. Hitler fought in a...

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If Hitler had practiced golf as much as Trump, maybe he'd have made it out of the bunker Donald J. Trump, the four times decorated draft dodge veteran, is in no way like Hitler. This...

Syrians praying for UK dog owners tonight

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People across Syria are united in prayer tonight as Britain is bombarded with heavy rounds of fireworks, the worst we've seen in weeks. "It's horrendous" said Beryl Belcher "It's dead smoky outside and the bangs...
Beynonce Knowles

We need buoyancy aids not Beyonce aid, say Houston flood victims

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Residents of Houston were bemused by an offer from pop star Beyonce offering help for those affected by the recent flooding. “We asked for buoyancy aids so that we could keep ourselves and our pets...

Notre Dame Cathedral fire caused by unattended Chip pan in bell tower

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Parisian fire fighters are currently battling a roaring fire at the Notre Dame cathedral. The fire has caused one of the medieval spires and a large section of the gothic roof to collapse. Early reports suggest...
Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins killed and eaten by starving migrants

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Mail Online columnist Katie Hopkins' plan to drown migrants attempting to cross the Mediterranean to prevent them coming to the UK has been put on hold after the controversial hatemonger was killed and eaten...

Racist Republicans deny that their voting districts are racist

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Republicans in North Carolina deny that their voting districts were drawn up based on race. After the Supreme Court ruled 5-3 that the boundaries were gerrymandered on racial grounds, Republican Connor Cracker-Fitzgerald said the ruling...

Robert E Lee statue replaced by bronze of obese man in pickup truck holding...

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The move comes in order to calm social tensions enraged over the weekend when the savage alt-left attacked a group of peaceful demonstrators merely having a walk with some torches and flags to highlight the importance of freedom of speech.
Trump

My missile is bigger than your missile Trump tells Kim Jong Un

Donald Trump has started a Twitter row with Kim Jong Un over the size of their missiles. Kim had yesterday claimed he possesses a missile so big it can reach all the way to America....
Trump Supporters

Trump discovers one weird trick to increasing attendance at his rallies

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The White House has confirmed that Donald Trump has found a weird trick to increasing attendance at his rallies. During a speech given to Texas flooding victims Trump said, "Can you believe the size of...
Trump Supporters

52% Of Trump Supporters Can’t Find America On A Map

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When it was pointed out to them exactly where America lay on the map, many of them seemed disappointed that it wasn’t the whole of North America from Mexico upwards.
Yemeni Children

Screw Yemeni kids we make loads of money selling smart bombs to the Saudis...

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It's absolutely fine that the UK supplies Saudi Arabia with the weapons that they are using to murder Yemeni children, Theresa May has told critics, because we send a few quid, some blankets and...
Kim Jong Un Submarine

North Korea won’t be happy until someone else tests a nuclear warhead on their...

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North Korea state media shouted the revelation this morning that Kim Jong-un won’t be happy until someone else tests a nuclear warhead on North Korean territory. It’s thought the revelation was made because Kim is...

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