U.S transgender community ‘relieved’ they will not die fighting for Trump

As President Trump, leader of the free world, announced that transgender citizens would no longer be allowed to serve the U.S. Armed forces in any capacity emotion swept the community.  Many people vented their anger...
Trump Atos

Atos and DWP pronounce Trump unfit for work

A physical and mental health Atos assessment on US President, Donald J Trump, has conclusively found that he is unfit for work, the DWP confirmed today. The Atos assessment, leaked to the Herald, showed that...

President Trump to wear eclipse glasses when viewing the news to protect his thin...

It was announced today via Twitter that President Trump will now wear eclipse glasses when viewing the news in order to protect his thin skin. The modification to the President’s usual procedure of pacing back...
French Military

French Head of Military resigns after Macron cuts £1bn from White Flag Budget

General Pierre de Villiers today sensationally quit as Head of the French Military in a row over cuts to the French White Flag budget. General de Villiers said that if the budget cuts went through...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump denies allegations he has rigged erections

The allegation was made by Anthony "Fandango" Scaramucci following his removal from post. The President's former tiny-right-hand man lashed out indiscriminately at his former employer, calling him 'soft in the head'. Melania Trump refused...
Turkey

Turkey pardoned by Trump beats him at scrabble

A Turkey that was pardoned by Donald Trump for Thanksgiving has beaten him at scrabble. Traditionally a turkey is pardoned by the serving President just before Thanksgiving day. In a break with tradition President Trump...

Farage takes on Eurovision

In a shock move today, the rubber faced, racist, people's champion Nigel Farage has announced his intentions to represent Great Britain in next year's Eurovision Song Contest . Herr Farage, who has been a long...

North Korea Central News Agency accuses The Sun of bias and propaganda

The controversial state run media outlet of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea ran an article today insisting western media outlets, in particular, the Rupert Murdoch owned News Corp of 'blatant propaganda' The accusations came...
Soldier

U.S. military buys Viagra after being told troops need to “be hard”

It has emerged this week that the U.S. military spend approximately £63 million annually on the popular medication which aids erectile dysfunction. This baffling finding raises all manner of questions, primarily; why? The result...

Over-exaggerating totally different to lying your arse off

Swimmer and US gold medal winning bullshitter, Ryan Lochte, has sort of apologised for making things up. The lying git said that his description of being a drunken arsehole, pissing in public, smashing doors...
Putin Appraisal

President of The United States looking forward to meeting Donald Trump

Russian officials have confirmed that Vladimir Putin is looking forward to meeting Donald Trump in Helsinki next month. One told us, "The President is looking forward to the meeting next month." It's understood that President Putin intends...

Rochdale Herald boycotts future White House coverage

In a shock announcement, the Founding Editor of this esteemed organ has declared it will be withdrawing from future coverage of the current White House administration. Quentin D. Fortesqueue explained, "The purpose of the Rochdale Herald is...

Hurricane Harvey considered least destructive 2020 presidential candidate

In an attempt to win back votes from the orange-painted tweeting shitangutan, the Democrats have turned to Hurricane Harvey to stand as their candidate for 2020. Harvey, which is expected to tear across Texas causing...
Mechanic

‘The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a car, is a...

"You want this sort of thing to happen less often? You don’t need to ban cars, you need to ban piece of sh*t, Nazi-sympathising, race-hating, white supremacist assh*les from marching through city streets with burning torches," said one Antifa protestor.
Trump Salute

Trump demands to see soldier’s long form death certificate

Donald Trump has demanded that the widow of Sgt La David Johnson release his long form death certificate following a row about whether or not Donald believes her that her husband is actually dead. Donald,...
Police

US Police Report Record Start to Season After “Glorious Twelfth”

US Police are have reported a record start to the Season after the traditional start to the Civilian Shooting Season with Tulsa leading the way. The Glorious Twelfth is a term used usually to refer...

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