God refuses to put out Notre Dame fire until he gets 100,000 likes =...

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The 14th century cathedral has already lost one of its spires and a large section of roof in the blaze after a fire broke out around 18:00 this evening. Hundreds of thousands of Catholics around...
Police

US Police Departments to consider offering black suspects running start before shooting them

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Following several nights of violence and riots across the United States in response to the death of George Floyd US police departments are said to be considering radical changes to the way they murder...
Trump White House

Alphabet distances itself from Trump

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Following the 45th POTUS' increasingly alarming and inaccurate claims, statements and threats, it seems that one particular organisation has had enough. The Alphabet released a brief statement in a letter to The Rochdale Herald signed...
Julian Assange

Julian Assange wins FSB employee of the month

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Julian Assange has explained that he is happy to be awarded FSB's employee of the month for July award. The Russian secret service organisation said in a statement, "Wikileaks and Mr Assange have been most...
Nuclear Bomb

Only a good guy with a nuclear weapon can stop a bad guy with...

The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That's according to the Iranian Government anyway. In a speech a spokesman said, "Iraq, Syria,...
Erdogan

Rank outsider sweeps to completely surprising victory in Turkish Presidential election

A rank-outsider has swept to victory in Turkey's presidential election defying the odds to secure a third five year term. Election authority chief said "imagine our surprise when we counted the votes and found that...
Macron

Macron roasts Le Swan

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Emmanuel Macron last night served up a beautifully roasted swan at his victory dinner. The new French President was celebrating his victory with close supporters at a private event in Paris when he wowed...
Union flag with "Brexit" ove it

‘MPs Must Respect Democracy’ Demand People With Negligible Grasp Of Democracy

MPs from all parties and from all areas of Britain are being called upon by smug triumphalists to deliver a near unanimous vote in favour of triggering Article 50. "Stands to reason, dunnit?" said Kevin...

Biff Tannen secures Republican Party presidential nomination

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The world was horrified but not terribly surprised to discover this morning that professional gambler and self-styled American oligarch Biff Tannen secured the US Presidential nomination. Conspiracy theorists around the world have wondered for years...
Rex Tillerson

Moron who called moron a moron fired by moron

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In a completely expected turn of events, a moron has fired the moron who called him a moron and replaced him with, presumably, another moron. The former Oil executive who was the entire US State...

Trump University launches alternative science course

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Donald Trump has announced the launch of a new science course that will be taught at Trump University from September. The course will feature subject matter not covered in more traditional science courses and will be aimed...

U.S transgender community ‘relieved’ they will not die fighting for Trump

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As President Trump, leader of the free world, announced that transgender citizens would no longer be allowed to serve the U.S. Armed forces in any capacity emotion swept the community.  Many people vented their anger...

Breaking: The person trespassing on the White House has been revealed as Nigel Farage

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A spokesperson for White House Security has just confirmed that the intruder apprehended today was Nigel Farage. Mr. Farage was promptly arrested after scaling the wall of the White House habitation wing carrying a rucksack. Amongst...

Obama quietly pleased his G20 riots were bigger than Trump’s

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President Barack Obama, who was born in America, is said to be privately pleased the riots at G20 summits he attended were bigger than Donald Trump’s riots in Hamburg. It’s thought the former President of...
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

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In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from boarding ships. In the ongoing battle to protect Britain from hordes...

President Trump has hopes dashed each time he hears ‘oui oui’ during French visit

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Donald Trump is experiencing an emotional rollercoaster during his ongoing French visit because each time he hears a French woman say ‘oui oui’ he gets excited and then what he is expecting next does...

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