POTATUS has attended an Armistice commemoration in Paris a day after demonstrating the sort of spirit that has earned him the nickname, Cadet Bone Spurs.
POTATUS failed to attend a commemoration for US war dead yesterday as it was raining and he didn’t want his fake tan to run. However, POTATUS was determined to make todays commemoration following a meal last night when POTATUS was given directions to a nearby golf course.
One White House staffer told us, “The weather yesterday was too rainy for POTATUS to fly to the cemetery. We couldn’t arrange to drive him and our best scientists haven’t yet perfected water proof fake tan. Imagine how it would look if he had gone. He’d have definitely not looked good as a wet, streaky mess with the few strands of hair he has remaining all over his face. Like some hysterical lover who was recently spurned.”
POTATUS has come under fire for dodging the commemoration in many areas of the US media. Although, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to many that POTATUS has demonstrated the sort of fortitude he displayed in dodging the draft in the 1960’s.
The staffer told us, “Once POTATUS discovered there was a golf course he mentioned JFK attending a similar commemoration and got going. The commemoration was at 11 and he was on the golf course at 11:05.”
There was further controversy when Emmanuel Macron suggested POTATUS has finished shooting 5 shots over par. This was refuted by POTATUS who thought Vladimir Putin’s assertion POTATUS had shot 7 over par was correct.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.