Obi Wan Kenobi, under pressure from Yoda and other members of the ghost Jedi Council to condemn the destruction of Alderaan, has issued a statement saying that he “condemns the violence on both sides.”
Many claim Obi Wan was an active member of the Empire and trained Darth Vadar but his supporters say that he was working for peace and is personally responsible for the so-called “Good A Long Time Ago Agreement” which bought peace, prosperity and balance to The Force.
They have also claimed that he has been seen at lunch with former terrorist Anakin Skywalker, but Obi Wan’s supporters were quick to point out it was the Hayden Christensen digitally re-mastered version from before he had done any of the horrible stuff.
Ambassador Leia said “It is all very good condemning violence on both sides, but it looked pretty fucking one sided to me – a billion to nil victory for the Death Star, as far as I can tell!”
Master Kenobi, considered by many of his supporters to be their only hope, has been disappointingly tight lipped on the destruction of Alderaan and the actions of the Imperial Senate. A spokesman for Master Kenobi, Admiral Abbot told us;
“The Emperor was democratically elected, kind of, and you can not justify blowing up a moon sized space station full of people. That’s racist. Everyone knows the best way to deal with violence is a strongly worded Tweet and a letter to The Guardian.”
Master Kenobi has been unavailable for comment.