Biff Tannen secures Republican Party presidential nomination
The world was horrified but not terribly surprised to discover this morning that professional gambler and self-styled American oligarch Biff Tannen secured the US...
Toymaker confesses he made Melania Trump to keep Pinocchio company
A Tuscan toymaker has ended days of speculation by confessing he made a new female doll to keep his infamous, lying, long nosed boy...
Steve Bannon Torn Over Best Way To F*ck The Disabled
Following reports that Donald Trump will no longer repeal an Executive Order protecting LGBT rights, White House insiders have revealed that his Chief Strategist,...
Obama quietly pleased his G20 riots were bigger than Trump’s
President Barack Obama, who was born in America, is said to be privately pleased the riots at G20 summits he attended were bigger than...
Home Office To Issue Migrants With Wearable Documentation
EU nationals currently living in the UK will require documents confirming their right to remain in the country post-Brexit, the Home Office has announced.
Speaking...
Sweden not rocked by terrorist incident
Hundreds of Swedes were not killed on Friday night by a terrorist attack. A suicide bomber, described by police as non-existent, failed to detonate explosives in a crowded shopping centre, or, indeed, anywhere else.
Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy
The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in...
IRS look forward to “getting to the bottom” of Trump’s Federal Income Tax “I’m...
Surgical glove manufacturer Sphinctoraw Inc got a surprise order for 110,000 pairs of elbow length surgical gloves from the IRS.
The order was placed...
Syrian children launch crowdfunding campaign to help those affected by KFC crisis
Children from the Syrian city of Damascus have launched a campaign to help those affected by the ongoing KFC chicken shortage.
In a video posted...
Rescue divers call off search for viable Customs Union Plan
Rescue divers searching for a viable plan for a customs union palatable to lunatic backbench MPs have finally called off the search.
Having plumbed the...
People of Aleppo not quite white enough
European leaders have come together to stress how upset they are that the people of Aleppo have ever so slightly funny coloured skin and...
Pound Hits New High of “20 Bundles of Corn” as USA Adopts Barter System
The US Dollar has been abandoned and the Barter System adopted following Donald Trump's victory in the 2016 US Presidential Election. Fort Knox are...
Donald Trump moves Mar a Lago to Tampa Bay for insurance purposes
Donald Trump has applied to have the address of his Mar-a-Lago changed from Palm Beach to Tampa Bay, ahead of the arrival of Hurricane...
Trump sues porn star for breaching confidentiality agreement about affair he claims not to...
Lawyers for the actual President of the United States of America are seeking $20 million in damages from a porn star who he says...
Incest enthusiast congratulates infidelity enthusiast
Amateur golfer and incest enthusiast Donald Trump has congratulated the UK's infidelity champion Boris Johnson on becoming the latest worst Prime Minister in living...
Dropping Massive Bomb on Afghanistan not warning to North Korea Spicer tells press conference
The fact that Americans have used a big fuck-off bomb when North Korea and Trump are engaged in a major sabre rattle is just...
