Mary Berry to retire from television
With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement...
Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker
Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.
A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare
A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last...
Netflix wins rights to top North Korean show Kim’ll fix it
Netflix have been named as winners of a bidding war that saw them win the rights to show the hit Korean show, Kim'll Fix...
Fat red faced old man quits boring 80s band
Shockwaves rang through Tin Pan Alley yesterday with the news that singer Tony Hadley was quitting 80s pop toppers Spandau Ballet.
In a cryptic tweet...
Boris Johnson confirmed to star in remake of Bill and Ben
Odd hairstyle, dependent upon Weed, strange manner of attire, frankly incomprehensible language - and you can see who's pulling the strings.
Boris Johnson was born to...
Tom Hiddleston does a runner.
Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift...
Man who’s ‘sick of reboots’ stops watching them
A man who claims that reboots of movies shouldn't be allowed because they always ruin the originals has stopped watching them.
Trevor Sallis, an office...
Sex slurs cooking at Great British Bake-off
Channel four’s blue-eyed baker boy Paul Hollywood is reportedly reviewing his role on the hugely popular Great British Bake-Off because of the ever-widening scourge...
Ed Sheeran receives MBE for services to blandness
Ed Sheeran was clearly chuffed to receive his MBE for services to blandness, remarking, "I really don't know what to say, but it's a great...
Beautiful South Issue Product Recall Over “Song for Whomever”
Paul Heaton of The Beautiful South has apologised to fans and recalled all recordings after a significant grammatical error came to light on "Song...
Duchess of Cambridge to host special royal edition of Bake Off
Hot on the news that she is expecting her third child Channel 4 has announced that the Duchess of Cambridge is to present a...
‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail
With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel
But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face
And here's to you Tommy...
Diane Abbott confirmed as new host for next series of NumberWang!
Labour MP and maths whiz Diane Abbott has been confirmed today as the new host of NumberWang!, the daytime TV quiz show.
Speaking today from...
Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert
Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy.
The so-called magicians...
Local Nun in record attempt to raise the roof
A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The...
