Leonard Cohen

Leonard Cohen ready to die because 2016 is a total wanksplat

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82 year old legend, and the only man currently able to wear a Fedora without looking like an absolute twat, Leonard Cohen has announced...

Diane Abbott confirmed as new host for next series of NumberWang!

Labour MP and maths whiz Diane Abbott has been confirmed today as the new host of NumberWang!, the daytime TV quiz show.  Speaking today from...

?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time

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During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed. "It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who...

Ann Widdecombe suspended over Strictly sex abuse claims

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Privy Councillor and former Tory MP Ann Widdecombe has been suspended from the Conservative Party after shocking claims of historical abuse and inappropriate conduct...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

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A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not...

Tragedy strikes as Dogs Die in Hot Cars die in hot car

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The late 1990's Scottish Indy Rock community is in mourning today after hearing the news that the ironically named band Dogs Die in Hot...
Middle Aged Man

Man ‘still hip’ because he likes new bands like Radiohead

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Derek Brasshouse, 54, an accountant in Rochdale Borough Council's swimming pool department, considers himself to be still 'with it' because he enjoys new bands...

Elton John’s Buckfast addled night of passion with Jimmy Krankie’s Mum

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Elton John, no stranger to controversy, has claimed that he had a one night stand with the mother of TV comedian-child Jimmy Krankie while...

Feminist nominated for comedy award they didn’t enter after Facebook tirade

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Ipswich feminist Leigh Askew has been included on the shortlist for a new category at the British Comedy Awards. The inaugural Funniest Social Media Post...

Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg

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Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save...

Meat Loaf isn’t dead

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Apparently Meat Loaf isn't dead and has a new album coming out, on account of still being alive. The big breasted Fight Club singer apparently...

Parents across the country prepare to encourage their kids to defy them

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Yes, it's that time of the year again, the nights are drawing in, there's a chill in the air and knob heads can't wait...

Stupid Rochdale man flattered by clickbait

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Exceptionally dim Rochdale man Brian Kershaw was yesterday super excited after answering nearly all of the questions correctly in an online quiz. Before he clicked...
Glastonbury

Corbyn’s speech was good but what have Cheesemakers done for me, asks man at...

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Jeremy Corbyn attended the Glastonbury festival today to deliver a speech to a crowd of thousands. The MP, short for the Messiah of the People,...

Nigel Farage leaves LBC for remake of Howards’ Way; Nigels’ Way

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Nigel Farage has left LBC and got a job on a new remake of Howards' Way called, Nigels' Way. Producer Bill Board told us, "Nigel...
Phil Collins

Singer-songwriter Phil Collins to release Death Metal album

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Phil Collins is set to release an album of previously unheard material made up of songs classified as being from the extreme subgenre of...

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