Judgemental twat who starts every opinion with ‘I’m not being funny, but’ definitely is...
A man who enjoys character assassinating every person he encounters and then tries to excuse himself of any malice by saying 'I'm not being...
Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal – 2,329 Gifts bought in four days
Four days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People...
Brexit is actually really hard confirm millionaires who stand to inherit everything but brains
The Rochdale Herald has been briefed by a group of hardcore Brexit Conservative MPs who have confirmed that Brexit is actually really hard, even...
Yemenis Grateful That Britain Tidying Up Arms Deals
Ordinary Yemenis have taken a break from being killed by British and American bombs and weapons to thank the British Government for tightening up...
Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’
In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game...
London not centre of Universe say astronomers
In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe.
The BBC's face of...
Southern Trains to rebrand as Southern Replacement Bus Service
There was more great news for commuters across the Southeast after Trading Standards and the Advertising Standards authority waded in on the long running Southern Trains dispute.
People who say Nazis were socialists to lose human status
The UN has today confirmed that anyone who says Nazis were socialist are to lose human status, joining holocaust deniers in the shortlist of...
World’s oldest Andrew Neil joke discovered in cave in France
Excavations at caves in Lascaux uncover the oldest as yet discovered Andrew Neil joke believed to date back almost 20,000 years.
An excited team of...
Boris resigns to spend more time in storm drain beckoning to children
Boris Johnson has resigned from his position as foreign secretary today, and has returned to his natural role as a malevolent entity which preys...
BBC resolves gender pay gap crisis
Human Resources managers at the BBC have been working tirelessly throughout the weekend, completing two days of back-to-back 6 hour shifts with reduced ginseng...
Irony pronounced dead after UKIP spokesman warns Corbyn Government would ‘take Britain back to...
Experts have announced that irony is dead. The announcement came after a UKIP MEP said that Britain would be plunged back to the early...
GBBO causes football fracas
It has been revealed that last night's violence at the London stadium was caused when West Ham fans chanted the name of the Bake...
Posh twit in gilet loses both arms to frostbite
Henry Charles Chomlomoly has been telling us how he's lost both his arms whilst out sledging.
Harry told us, "Cripes, got up this morning and...
A1 renamed The Dominic Cummings Expressway
The A1(M) between Aberford and Durham has been officially redesignated the Dominic Cummings Expressway in recognition of its primary purpose of conveying the 'Special'...
Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris Johnson is foreign...
In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already...
