Right wing extremist appears on Good Morning Britain to interview Tommy Robinson

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Good Morning Britain producers made the controversial choice today of asking a divisive, opinionated, loud mouth to appear on their show. Piers Morgan was reportedly shocked by the request, as that's already his job. However,...
James blunt

James Blunt demands Knighthood after Ed Sheeran receives MBE

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The news of Ed Sheeran’s accolade in the latest honours list has been greeted by mixed reactions. His fans have welcomed the news, but their grandparents have asked, “Who’s he then and what does he do?” See...
Theresa May

Conservative cabinet worried compensating fire survivors properly will just make them dependent on the...

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Government emissions today suggest the Prime Minister and her cabinet are struggling to respond to last week's fire tragedy in a way that meshes with traditional Tory thinking, but doesn't make poor people dependent...

Put lipstick on a pig and it’s still an attractive pig says David Cameron

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Embarrassed confusion reigned over the little Cotswold village of Slapstick-cum-Quickly as local resident David Cameron joined a misheard conversation and totally got the wrong end of the stick. The mix up occurred when David, who...
God is love sign

Ethnic cleanliness next to Godliness according to the DUP

The DUP were apparently acknowledging today the new opportunities opening up to them, with some pleasure. DUP spokesmuppet Seamus Allways  said "This is orr moment in history, so it is. We now have the parrr...

Ant in rehab after Dec shoots him in the eye with paintball gun

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The North East was rocked today as Ant revealed he has been shot in the eye by long time friend and co-presenter Dec.

Grenfell Tower survivors offer Michael Gove their last five pounds to bugger off

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Survivors of the Grenfell Tower disaster suffered a further shock last night when esteemed Tory minister Michael Gove was spotted in the vicinity. It's believed Gove was visiting friends in the area to make sure...
Theresa May

Argos refuse to exchange or refund anymore Theresa May-bots

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Shoppers in the UK were shocked by a press release this morning from popular retailer Argos, who state they will not exchange or refund anymore Theresa May-bots. The appliances have been a top seller both...

Arsehole dies in Karmic Avalanche

An arsehole died on Saturday in an avalanche of karma whilst trying to piss off and murder a massive angry bull in front of a large crowd of idiots.  The rebalancing of the universe took...
Thatcher in the Rye

Theresa May autobiography ‘Thatcher In The Rye’ for September release

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Controversy was the buzz word in the publishing world today with news that Theresa May has handed in the manuscript for her autobiography "Thatcher In The Rye", scheduled for release in September. Details of the...
Plain wooden coffin

Rochdale man takes own life after using the word “Stat”

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Local person and Rochdale Herald editor Quentin D.Fortesque has today ended the sad experiment that was his life, after an ill-advised use of the word "stat" to colleagues. Fortesque, of unknown age, was holding an...
Music Fesitval

This week already pissed off with itself and planning a holiday

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Millions of Microsoft outlook users are about to receive an unexpected update in their calendars. The Rochdale Herald has just received an email from an anonymous address which  but it appears to have been sent...

Muslims damage white man’s van outside mosque, screams Daily Mail

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Allegedly Paul Dacre rang round every Daily Mail journalist to ensure The Daily Mail created the appropriate coverage of the terrorist incident in Finsbury. Simply saying that some idiot had driven into a crowd of...

I’m nothing like Pope antichrist tells DUP

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In an exclusive interview with The Rochdale Herald, the antichrist tells the DUP "I'm nothing like the Pope!" On a damp and surprisingly chilly June morning I travelled to my meeting with a certain sense...

Government’s Brexit staff all writing “Trekking in Nepal” on CV’s

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Recruitment agencies report an influx of fresh CV's today all listing activity from late summer last year until today as "Trekking in Nepal". All the CV's are from career civil servants, professional trade lobbyists and...
The Daily Mail

Reading the Daily Mail causes cancer of the soul

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Following sickening reports of yet another moron mowing down innocent pedestrians, the Daily Mail has excelled itself by implying that the victims were to blame. The Mail did not quite write “Have-A-Go Hero Attempts To...

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