Embarrassed confusion reigned over the little Cotswold village of Slapstick-cum-Quickly as local resident David Cameron joined a misheard conversation and totally got the wrong end of the stick.
The mix up occurred when David, who was passing by on his way to the pub in order to collect a misplaced daughter, overheard one of the locals say “Well, even if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig.”
“Ah yes,” interjected David. “But it’s a much more attractive pig.”
Bystanders were nonplussed as the man described as the second-worst Prime Minister of the Century began to wax lyrical over the porcine pulchritude of slap on a swine.
“It was a bit creepy,” said one witness. “He started banging on about foundation and mascara. At one point he was advising us on the best way to remove facial hair so that you avoid something he referred to as ‘bristle rash’.”
Dave’s interjection was even more puzzling because he has been rarely seen about the village since the purchase of a well publicised, high end garden shed.
“We’re not sure what he does in that shepherd’s hut all day?” The witness added, before shivering. “I guess it may involve lipstick? It may involve pigs? I really don’t want to think about it too much.”
Normality was restored when the original commenter asserted that he had actually been using a metaphor when talking about Katie Hopkins.
“Urgh! No way, mate,” said Dave. “Lipstick or no lipstick. I wouldn’t touch her with yours.”