Corbyn to guarantee himself a seat by emptying trains to 1800s level
Diane Abbott has declared Jeremy Corbyn "statistically the most popular & electable Labour leader ever" after the leaked Labour Manifesto shows that Labour have decided to re-nationalise British Rail.
The decision came after Corbyn was...
Electoral Reform Society mislays dictionary
The Electoral Reform Society has admitted they've lost the Collins Gem dictionary they had lying around the office a few weeks ago, making them unable to check the definition of the word "Lies". This...
Woman always repeating “no meal is better than a bad meal” went hungry last...
A woman who keeps saying “no meal is better than a bad meal” to the people she’s supposed to have dinner with went hungry last night while being at a table full of other...
Big 6 to impose “Christmas Levy” on consumers
The Big 6 electricity providers are set to impose a special levy on households deemed to have displays of more than 5 metres of Christmas lighting this year.
The energy companies are concerned that with...
British Patriots demand Register of Terrorists
Paul Golding has picked up the baton from Nick Griffin today in calling for a Register of Potential Terrorists.
The call comes in the wake of recent atrocities. Most recently the murder of two white...
Prime minister says, “Boris Johnson is not undermining me, I’m doing it all on...
The woman who thinks she's British prime minister stated clearly today, and repetitively, “Boris Johnson is not undermining me, I'm doing it all on my own.”
The statement, and the at times quavering voice it...
FA launch tactical nuclear strike at semi-final of Women’s Euro 2017
The Football Association has long been implacably opposed to the rise of the women’s game. When it first got popular, the FA acted swiftly and banned it in 1921. However, with the rise of...
Dig for Victory, says Corbyn facing Brexit economic doom
Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the opposition and the second coming Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, has set about his first week back in parliament sacking anyone who opposes the government. He has also...
New UKIP leader elected yesterday already 3rd longest serving leader behind both Nigel Farages
Mr Henry Bolt-on was celebrating tonight after having managed the milestone event of third longest serving UKIP leader, even though he was only elected leader at lunch time yesterday.
Mr Bolt-on is said to be...
Billy Bush reinstated after “Today” apologises to him
Billy Bush is to return to the Today programme after receiving a grovelling apology from the network owners.
They have also sacked the producers and director and Matt Lauer is to be made to wear...
Fillies to continue racing as outbreak confirmed as equine equivalent of ‘man flu’.
Initial reports that all racing in the U.K. was to be suspended have proved to be unfounded after vets have confirmed that the outbreak is merely 'stallion flu', the equivalent of 'man flu'.
"They aren't...
Democracy to be redefined “betterthedevilyaknowocracy”
The linguistic and lexicogaphical boffins at Oxford and Cambridge have agreed that the term democracy needs to be scrapped and replaced with something more appropriate.
"We realised that the pattern of how things go is...
Nobody could have done better than Corbyn, says Nobody
Nobody, who is the shadow secretary of state for Northern Ireland, claimed today that, had he been Labour leader, Labour could have won the election.
He then backtracked and said that Corbyn was the best...
Reality blamed for increase of violence on television
Recent studies by a team at Oxford University have found potential links between reality and the increasing portrayal of graphic violence on TV.
Many of the most popular television shows worldwide, including ratings giants The...
Supermoon is even bigger than your mum’s backside
Content creators and tabloids are celebrating this week as the Supermoon article market shows little sign of slowing.
"It's kinda the opposite of the so-called Supermoon phenomenon itself," said Justin Hack, a freelance woo-spinner, "you...
Conservatives to shoot badgers until Henry VIII powers allow them to hunt with dogs...
Conservative MP George Eustice was allegedly out celebrating at a champagne breakfast this morning after deciding to kill a lot more badgers in order to feel better about himself.
It's thought the extension of badger...
