Poll reveals public wants good old fashioned political sex scandal

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A Herald survey reveals that public perception of politicians lean towards disappointment at them not having any juicy sex scandals anymore.  Carried out at the...

Piers Morgan behaves like a d**k on Twitter, again

Piers Morgan has taken to Twitter to characteristically behave like an utter tit today. Morgan, whose only physical accomplishment of note was to fall off...

Communists Confused by Billy No Mates

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The Far left have found themselves even more confused than normal today after revelations from losing Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith.  The Leninist/Trotskyist group of...
99p store

Brawl sparked by £1 price tag in 99p store

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A complaint about a price tag in Rochdale’s flagship 99p Store escalated into an unseemly brawl, causing damage estimated at £56.43. Rochdale Magistrates’ Court heard...

Topless Danczuk in topless holiday prison catfight scandal

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The owner of a Villa in Alicante is said to be furious after discovering the Danczuk's had been holidaying in his property. Simon Danczuk, God...

Saint George will be denied entry visa under proposed post Brexit immigration rules

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Brexiters across the land were furious today with the news that proposed changes to immigration rules after Brexit make it highly likely Saint George...

BREAKING NEWS!!! Supreme Court Rule 6 to 5 in Favour of Parliament Vote on...

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In the last few minutes the Supreme Court have voted 6 to 5 in favour of Parliament having the final say on Brexit. Rochdale urban...
Downing Street

DUP advises British Gas customers to burn witches and Catholics to keep warm this...

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Princess Diana's body is to be exhumed and hung on a gibbet outside Buckingham Palace to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the last witch-hunt...

BBC apologise for penis in background of May the Queen Bee

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The BBC and producers of Prime Minister's Question Time show, May the Queen Bee, have today apologised for an offensive penis that appeared in...
Kim'll Fix It

Netflix wins rights to top North Korean show Kim’ll fix it

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Netflix have been named as winners of a bidding war that saw them win the rights to show the hit Korean show, Kim'll Fix...
Fast Train

Petition to slow trains to Birmingham to walking pace hits 70 million signatures

A petition to slow down trains headed to Birmingham from London has hit almost 70 million signatures in under two hours today. “Why on Earth...
Paul Nuttall

Paul Nuttall Demands Return To Ice Age

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Historians specialising in migration to the British Isles have confirmed that Paul Nuttall actually got something technically right after his Women’s Hour interview this...

Government approves £118M fire safety upgrade, including sprinklers, for the Houses of Parliament

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Britain's greatest female Prime Minister, announced in a key note speech, that her Government has learned the lessons of Grenfell.  £118 million has been...
Clown

Police advise public to ‘grow up’ over rise in clown related call outs

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Police call handlers up and down the country have been inundated with calls from concerned citizens in relation to a bizzare new craze in...
Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd launches Hate Thy Neighbour initiative

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Amber Rudd announced plans today to crack down on the current outbreak of human compassion sweeping the country. Compassion has been on the rise recently...
Tory

NHS Commodore 64 hacked with ‘ransom cassette’

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The NHS is in a state of crisis after its computer was hacked earlier today. Patients requiring emergency care are being re-routed to different hospitals around...

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