refrigerator

Sales of refrigerators tumble due to British Gas price hike

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This week brought the news that British Gas are set to raise their prices again, effecting millions of loyal customers. This move will likely see many poor and vulnerable homeowners left with difficult choices, as...

Miliband secures votes of hen-pecked husbands and nagging wives by doing housework for votes

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Ed Miliband has vowed to do the dishes, take the rubbish out to the bin and mow lawns for every member in his North Doncaster constituency to secure their votes for Labour. "Well, if it gets the...

Blairite Entryism Not A Big Deal, Insist Blairites

It was revealed today that a Blairite peer, a hedge fund manager, several rich business types and a Liberal Democrat Lord were behind the organisation within Labour called 'Labour Tomorrow.' The group's mission is to...
Teenagers

A-Level students share their entertaining delusions about making the world a better place

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As we do every year, every damn year, we headed down to Rochdale Sixth Form College. Next to Hopwood Hall College, in what our councillors will try to laughably convince you is the “educational...

UKIP cancel party conference musical chairs event

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UKIP have announced that the musical chairs event that was to be held at their summer conference has been cancelled. The event at the Travelodge Nuneaton was to have featured a game of musical chairs during the...

Linkin Park’s poignant question answered

The question posed by Linkin Park all those years ago has been answered and people might not like the answer. According to scientists, who have been researching the question which hadn't been considered before the 90's nu...

Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed

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Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed. "Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing (8) from Scumbag Primary School, Rochdale. "The green poison is...

Brexit Plan Turns Out To Be Just David Davis Bragging About His Massive Staff

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The world waited with baited breath for David Davis' speech in which he was expected to reveal the government's plans for exiting the EU. The speech was timed to take place at the exact...

Stranger Things shit declares post millennial generation

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Self obsessed cockwomble, Sebastian Tristrum, 14, said "It's crap. I put down my iPhone for a bit and tried to watch it but nothing happens for like ten minutes". The spotty, odious little shit who...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked by Theresa May's new Government to get rid of the...
Theresa May

Nah, I said smashed through a field of weed fam, claims PM

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There’s bare girl jobs and mandem jobs, you feel me? “When’d all y’all start getting so disrespectful?” said Theresa May yesterday. “Maybe it was that Lord Buckethead fool. I mean, Lord of the Bucket indeed. If...

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

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 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of Dame Lowell Goddard, who didn't have the balls to turn...

Liberal elite should stop bullying Stalin says Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail has instructed its readers to avoid the film, The Death of Stalin. In an editorial piece the Mail said, "This film is not funny. It is little more than an attack,...
Theresa May

May gives UK schools education 101

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Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the past". The Rochdale Herald has this to say: 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011...
Paul Nuttall

Paul Nuttall Demands Return To Ice Age

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Historians specialising in migration to the British Isles have confirmed that Paul Nuttall actually got something technically right after his Women’s Hour interview this morning. “He claimed on LBC that before migration our fruit was...

Fatboy runs away from the Ball

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The worlds biggest celebrity couple, Ball and Slim, have sadly announced they are to divorce after 18 years of party-hard marriage.

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