To many, the issue of homelessness invokes thoughts of a person falling on hard times, perhaps even drink, drugs, or criminality. Now, the latest poll has revealed that the majority of homeless people live rough through choice.
The primary reason given to avoid any possibility of being dragged on to popular reality TV shows. Among the most actively dodged were X Factor, Love Island and the culinary equivalent of testicular torsion; Come Dine With Me.
The Rochdale Herald were surprised by these results, believing tramps to simply be lazy, drunken wasters, much like the participants in most reality TV shows. We went out and about on the bustling streets of Rochdale to find a homeless person and ask them why take such extreme measures. One bum told us; “I cannot bequeath the time to such procrastination. When I had a property, I would regularly prepare five-courses for my dinner guests, including soufflés and a delicious red wine jus. Being a keen chef, they would expect that.
Now, I occasionally cook at the shelter, but I cannot risk television producers knocking on my door and dragging me down to the studio against my will. I’ve seen that Come Dine With Me and it can get very nasty”.
Perhaps this news will change the views of the public who have long-harboured a natural hatred of the poor. Giving the knowledge that many sleeping in doorways are well-educated, talented individuals, trying to avoid the type of sensory tripe that thousands of idiots would give a kidney to be on.
The main concern now is that TV executives will take to the streets to lure in unfortunates will the promise of a can of extra strength lager and a bag of crisps. Rumours are spreading that Simon Cowell has been spotted down dark alleys, rifling through bins for the next rigged winners of some tosh show.