Massive twat claims moral high ground
Yesterday, the Daily Mail sought to reset the nation's moral compass by pointing out the recent flood of speculation about Moscow waterbed shenanigans was the work of...
Charlie Brooker commits suicide whilst writing his 2016 Wipe
The much loved satirist repeatedly smashed his face into his own coffee table whilst reading through a draft of his hugely anticipated show.
In the...
Waitrose shoppers slumming it at Sainsbury’s as Pound plummets
Fans of the high end supermarket Waitrose have been forced to shop elsewhere as the Pound is now roughly the same value as the...
Get your hands out of Ivanka’s knickers, White House orders media
White House press secretary Sean "Ginger" Spicer has issued an ultimatum to the US media in the wake of the growing row over the...
iPhone users left feeling cheated
Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...
ISIL in talks with Amazon over drone deliveries deal
An email has surfaced, from an anonymous source claiming to be from within Amazon, which suggests that the international distribution leviathan is in secret...
Grant Shapps hires ferry fleet to transport people back to offices
Transport secretary Grant Shapps is so convinced that going back to work in offices is safe, that he has hired a fleet of ferries...
Theresa May announces “peace in our time” following historic call with President Trump
Theresa May has finally been able to speak to President-elect Donald Trump after 24 hours on hold listening to elevator music.
Theresa May outrages Japanese Prime Minister with deportation letter
British Prime Minister Theresa May has become embroiled in a diplomatic incident while visiting Japan after personally delivering a Home Office deportation letter to...
Cummings replaced by Orwell in No.10 reshuffle
Downing Street today confirmed that Dominic Cummings has been sacked and replaced by George Orwell as the government's chief political advisor - effective immediately,...
‘Men only wear sunglasses to check out other women, like at weddings’ say Scientists
Claims have been made in a startling report that men only wear sunglasses so that they can check out other women without their wives...
“Travelling on virgin trains causes cancer” says Daily Mail
Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer.
Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've...
Southern Trains to rebrand as Southern Replacement Bus Service
There was more great news for commuters across the Southeast after Trading Standards and the Advertising Standards authority waded in on the long running Southern Trains dispute.
Emmy Awards honour pale minorities
Rami Malek has won the Emmy Award for best leading actor in a drama. He is the first minority actor to win in 18...
Democracy to be redefined “betterthedevilyaknowocracy”
The linguistic and lexicogaphical boffins at Oxford and Cambridge have agreed that the term democracy needs to be scrapped and replaced with something more...
Shock as major philosopher is revealed to be a prankster
Didier Noyu, who identifies as an‘Anarcho-Realist’, admits to making up schools of thought for shits and giggles.
“My latest one was ‘meta-post-structuralism’,” Noyu writes...
