As news of inflation hits the headlines this week pundits are telling us that inflation will hit food prices the hardest. The government has issued advice for the poor on how to survive inflation.

“You really ought to diversify your portfolio to ensure that income from your investments stay ahead of inflation.” Philip Hammond, Chancellor of the Exchequer told voters at Rochdale’s food bank.

“Interest rates are pretty low at the moment so cash in the bank and savings in ISA’s are worth fuck all. They may look like they’re going up in value, but they’re really not.”

“Property is always a pretty safe bet. If I was poor I’d probably buy a couple hundred acres of good potato growing land in Lincolnshire and put the rest of my cash to work with a good fund manager. Fidelity and Investec are pretty good.”

Inflation is expected to go up. A lot. Soon. Some pundits are saying that inflation in food prices will literally be deadly for the poor.

“In fact invest in supermarket stocks, people have to eat and shareholders always get their dividends.” Hammond concluded.