Fears for safety of Strictly 2016 producers as AdB meets JCC

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Strictly Come Dancing returned to our screens this evening in a whirlwind of glitz and glitter. Amongst the celebrities dancing for our pleasure over...
Ed Sheeran

Bloke who knocked Ed Sheeran off bike given MBE for services to music industry

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The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been...

Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg

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Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save...

Nigel Farage cast as Pinocchio in reboot of Disney classic

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Arron Banks is tipped to direct in his feature debut having amassed an impressive CV of smaller films targeted at indie audiences.

A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare

4
A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last...
Sad Man

Record complaints at Ofcom as latest episode of ‘Tits and Swords’ contains no tits

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Switchboards at UK TV regulators Ofcom were jammed last night after the eagerly anticipated first episode of the new series of Game of Thrones...
Tommy Robinson

‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail

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With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy...
Game of Thrones

Cabinet to watch Game of Thrones to pick up tips on killing each other

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Theresa May has reportedly ordered her cabinet, and junior ministers, to watch Game of Thrones in order to get better at killing one another. This...

Nick Clegg announced to appear on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

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After being metaphorically bludgeoned to death by his electorate, former MP and Liberal Democrats leader Nick Clegg has left politics with his reputation in...

Cockroaches latest to quit I’m a celebrity, after refusing to touch Katie Hopkins.

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Following on from yesterday's shock departure of the venomous snakes, an intrusion of cockroaches have also terminated their contract to appear on this years...
Boris Johnson wins Hunted

Boris Johnson evades detection to win 2020 season of Hunted

Using an impressive combination of stealth, sneakiness and bare-faced cheek, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has trounced both his opponents and his pursuers to claim...

Gallagher in filthy pool party outrage

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Our colleagues at the Swindon Advertiser have told us that bacteria in the water has resulted in the Oasis pool being shut for the...

Rochdale Christmas light turn on will be a Britain First

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This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul...

Star Wars fan admits films a bit shit really 

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Massive Star Wars fan Derek Ducaccus has admitted that the entire series on the whole is a "bit shit if he was being honest."...
Doctor Who

Gritty realism of Doctor Who ‘stretched beyond credulity’ by absence of penis

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Hard-hitting documentary Doctor Who, dedicated to exposing the harsh reality of spontaneously-regenerating Time Lords, has become 'a laughing stock ruined by periods', agree internet...
Game of Thrones

Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns

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As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined...

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