This weeks Soap headlines
The Rochdale Herald: Giving you all the goss!
Emmerdale Farm
It's all twists and turns this week as someone has a brew from the cafe and...
Being a Liberal Democrat is not a sin claims Elton John
The ageing singer and renowned diva famous for her tantrums, Mariah Carey, asked Elton John about his views on the struggling political party at...
Musicians speak at upset of knowing that Tories like their work
Distraught musicians Florence Welch and Calvin Harris have spoken out at their horror of discovering that they have next to no control over what...
Theresa May to appear from Pyramid in Glastonbury
Conservative leader to introduce those monks from Doctor Who on the main stage as Michael Eavis pours away his cider and looks accusingly at...
East goes west in latest Celebrity Bushtucker Trial
"I'm pleased to have played my part though I won't be joining camp for dinner. I'm stuffed."
Jabba The Hutt denies allegations he’s ever been a movie producer
The interstellar crime boss and CEO of Tatooine’s largest cartel has gone on the record to deny allegations that he has ever received a...
Sheikh & Bake! Al Jazeera Swoop For Mary Berry, Mel & Sue
In a dramatic twist in the GBBO story reports this morning say that founding members of the cast have signed contracts for a new...
Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert
Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy.
The so-called magicians...
Fat red faced old man quits boring 80s band
Shockwaves rang through Tin Pan Alley yesterday with the news that singer Tony Hadley was quitting 80s pop toppers Spandau Ballet.
In a cryptic tweet...
Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas
A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas.
Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was...
Streisand Needs To Pronounce Her Name Properly, Says Siri
Barbara Streizzand has used her fame as a has been screecher and ex-movie star to get Apple to alter the way Siri pronounces...
William Shatner fired from Trump Biopic for not having big enough ego
It’s not often you hear William Shatner’s ego described as “too small”, but that’s the complaint being made by the producers of his latest...
Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film
His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga.
Warning: contains spoilers
Shooting began today for the latest...
Tom Hiddleston does a runner.
Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift...
Putin Accused in Rogue One Plan Hack Report
Emperor Palpatine has sensationally accused Russia of interfering in the internal affairs of the Galactic Empire.
He has warned that the Empire will retaliate for...
God Ruins Bake Off
This week's edition of Great British Bake Off was ruined when God interfered during Gay Cake Week.
The contestants had been asked to make Fairy...
