Flag Furore as Fans Face Fines

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  An entire street on Rochdale's Newbold estate was threatened with fines on Monday - if they refuse to remove a multitude of flags from outside their homes. Local resident Johnny Methson (pictured above with his...

Greggs is not for us; says Jersey

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Pasty super chain and northern nutrition giant Greggs is to close its doors in the tax haven of Jersey after just 18 months of trading.  Despite opening a number of stores in 2015 across the...

Barclays customer sent to Guantanamo after overdraft complaint

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A Rochdale man has been kidnapped by US intelligence services and sent to Guantanamo Bay after he complained to his local Barclays Bank about high overdraft charges. Quentin D. Fortesqueue, editor of The Rochdale Herald,...
Meeting

We need another meeting to discuss this meeting

25
The Rochdale Global Enterprises' operations and functions sub-committee concluded yesterday that a further meeting was needed before its next meeting on Tuesday week. The RGEOFSC meets regularly each week to discuss operations and functions. The...

Phil Spencer really was a Secret Agent

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In an ironic illustration of life imitating art it was revealed today that Channel 4 property porn star, Phil Spencer, really did operate as a secret agent in the late 1990's. Spencer's new autobiography 'How...

Apple Sues Samsung Over ‘Shit Battery’ ?Patent Infingement

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Apple is to sue Samsung after the Korean electronics giant recalled its flagship Galaxy Note 7 smartphone after the battery repeatedly blew up during or after charging. "We have received several reports of battery explosion...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

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Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre' near Tewkesbury. The tribe is thought to consist of approximately 75...
Money

Nigerian Prince perplexed no one wants free money

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Prince Terry Ojukwu III, of Nigeria, recently ran into financial difficulties when his bank fell into administration, leaving him just 24 hours to withdraw his money. However, because of the vast sum in his account,...

Rothschilds ‘surprised’ at Trump victory but pleased in investment in US wall building company

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The Rothschild family are set for a huge windfall following Donald Trump's 'surprise' success in the US election.

University of Burnley to offer a degree course in Fruit Picking.

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As part of the government's recently launched Fu*k Business initiative, the University of Burnley is offering a 5 Year degree course in fruit picking, including a year of 'On The Job' training. Ian Jaggs, speaking...
Cathedral City

Cathedral City Cheddar not the best cheddar ‘just fucking unavoidable’ say consumers

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According to consumers in Rochdale Cathedral City Cheddar is not the best cheddar, it’s just completely unavoidable. A survey of all of the fridges in the UK found at least one opened packet of Cathedral...

Gaucho steak restaurant chain latest to get burnt by borrowing to beef up returns

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Restaurant chain Gaucho, and its sister Cau, collapsed into administration this week, after it was steered into a series of financial mis-steaks Administrators have taken over at Gaucho Group, after the premium steak restaurant made...

Amber Rudd launches investigation into NHS as ‘foreign worker’ stats land

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At the Tory Conference earlier today, Miss. Rudd asked all businesses to compile a list of anyone who looks or speaks funny - except the Welsh - in a drive to pay British workers...

Hot Deals in Rochdale Black Friday Price Crash! – Don’t miss out!

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Rochdale is going nuts this Friday with MEGA DEALS accross the town centre. Grab a bargain, they're giving it away.  LITERALLY! -Head down to your local charity shop on Friday and a get a HUGE 10p...

Remain support Nigel’s calls for 2nd EU Referendum

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With around 1.5 million people and rising having signed a petition calling for a re-run of the referendum that decided the UK's membership of the EU, a surprise supporter has left supporters of Leave...

Cricketers auctioned off to fund the NHS.

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Protesters have accused Westminster of 'human trafficking' to fund the NHS. The government has moved quickly to deny accusations that they are selling off Britain's rich natural resources to fund the NHS after it was...

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