William and Catherine’s third child expected to hatch in April

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Kensington palace said the breeding pair were “delighted” to be adding to their lounge and already have two hatchlings: Prince George, four, and his younger sister Charlotte, two.

Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people

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Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people. One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...

Queen to greet Donald Trump with narwhal tusk

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Buckingham Palace has refused to confirm rumors that the Queen will greet Donald Trump with a narwhal tusk during his visit to the UK...

Daily Express readers desperately hoping new Royal baby is a ginger

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Daily Express readers up and down the country have welcomed the news of Duchess of Sussex's pregnancy by crossing all of their fingers and...

Put a bloody jumper on if you’re cold we’re not made of money, Philip...

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“Put a jumper on and stop fiddling with the blasted thermostat, I just got it right. If you’re that blinking cold go and walk some of those wretched dogs you insist on keeping. And I’m not talking about the Fergie's sprogs!”

New royal baby to be called Mohammed and raised gender neutral

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The Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle has today given birth to a healthy child after a quick labour. Prince Harry is reported as delighted, as...

Deer left shaken by run in with Prince 

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A Balmoral based deer has spoken out after being run down by the heir to the British throne. Dougal Hornhead spoke to the Herald after...
The Queen

Helen Mirren to impersonate the Queen during Trump state visit

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The Rochdale Herald understands that award winning actress Helen Mirren will impersonate the Queen should President Trump's proposed state visit to the UK go...

Nurses and Firemen organise whip-round to help pensioner do up her house

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Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. 'We heard about the...

Queen’s Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu

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There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu. A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've...

Ben Fogle quits Animal Park to try his hand at ventriloquism

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Popular broadcaster and adventurist Ben Fogle has been declared an endangered species on Twitter after sustaining numerous headshots from people ridiculing his idea for...

Royal baby to be named Prince Kevin. Probably.

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Following the news that Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a bouncing baby boy, speculation is rife regarding the name the House of...

Prince Philip to be dismantled following cladding inspection failure

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HRH the Duke Of Edinburgh to be decommissioned and scrapped after failing Health and Safety tests. Sad scenes at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip...

Vegetable that looks like Prince Charles discovered on Rochdale allotment

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A Rochdale man has spoken to us about vegetable he has found that looks remarkably like Prince Charles.  Bill Board told us, "It was last...

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...

Anglo US relations at lowest ebb since war of 1812 as Queen joins anti-trump...

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Anglo US relations have reached their lowest ebb since 1812 when British Force burned down the White House after members of the Royal Family...

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