National News

Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats. "Proof that God hates the crooked Democrats!" tweeted Trump, melting the keypad...

Fresh concerns have been raised over the safety of healthy lifestyles after a study found that people following them invariably die eventually anyway. A team of scientists from Rochdale's Community University found that people who...

Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby has today explained that The Church of England doesn't actually have shares in Amazon as Yodel has never delivered them. Welby said, "The accusations that the Church of England has...

A middle aged man has today made another middle aged man aware that he doesn't like him by standing outside the man's home and yelling at his 11 year old child. Bill Board tracked Jacob...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has revealed that the Irish border issue can be easily and practically solved using time travel. Rees-Mogg revealed the plan today in a speech to the European Research Group. "The Irish border issue...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has attempted to counter accusations that he has no Brexit plan by unveiling one so fancifully insane a Texan jury wouldn't recommend the death penalty. One analyst said, "Jacob unveiled his plan to...

The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques. In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny weather has really helped the economy. With much better growth...

A Russian assassination team who were tasked with assassinating an ex-spy In Rochdale were foiled by a rail replacement bus service and a strike by Northern Rail. GMP spokesman, Bill Board said, "The assassins flew...

Popular paedophile, Gary Glitter is alleged to be considering crowdfunding a trip to Thailand for when he gets out of prison. A spokesperson said, "The funds will only be used to fund Gary's flights, accommodation...

The man who said that Homeopathy should have a place on the NHS as it compliments science based medicine as they both come from organic matter has attended his first Chemistry lesson this weekend. Jeremy attended...

Dominic Raab is due to meet Michel Barnier for an intense 6 hours of being told to fuck off after asking for all the same things the Government already asked for but in a...

Jeremy Corbyn has caused fresh controversy by appearing on BBC Breakfast wearing a Beret and eating Normandy Scallops. Mr Corbyn was appearing to deny yesterday's controversy when the incident happened prompting floods of complaints...

In a bid to balance the left leaning opinions of Mayor Magid Magid, Sheffield City Council have unveiled a new road in the south of the city which has been named after Right-Wing commentator,...

A fire that has gutted a branch of Primark in Belfast has destroyed £5.50 worth of stock. Primark manager, Shaughn O'Shaughnasseigh told us, "This fire is devastating. Our entire stock has gone up. That's over...

The Government has announced that Boris Johnson is to be sent into space as part of its new space program. An insider told us, "We'll need to test the rocket. In the past the American's...

As the 40th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher's first election looms, we met Gordon Ottershaw (49) of Wetherby who maintains Thatcher stole his ability to be on the right side of the class struggle. Gordon...