Nuclear Football replaced with state of the art 1979 Speak and Spell

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The Secret Service and senior members of the National Security Council have taken drastic steps to toughen US Nuclear launch protocols during Donald Trump's presidency by replacing the Nuclear Football with 1979 Speak and Spell.
Roy Moore

Roy Moore ordered to pay if he wants another go after coming in a...

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The Alabama Secretary of State has told Judge Roy Moore that he will have to finance any recount of the Senate seat vote. John Merrill...
Theresa May

Theresa May admits using ‘BREXOMATHICS’ to calculate number of overstaying foreign students

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"It's so simple, you take a real number and keep doubling it until everyone's eyes light up," explained May pointing out that it worked...

Obama rushed to hospital after biting through lip during Trump press conference

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President Barack Obama was rushed to hospital yesterday after sustaining injuries during a press conference. Herald reporter Scott McCracknee was there and describes what happened. "Mr...

Bad guys with guns get more practice complain good guys with guns

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Good guys with guns in America went on the record this morning to complain they're unfairly getting a bad reputation after failing to prevent the 2078th successive mass shooting since 2,000.
Baby

Adolf tops list of most popular baby names for boys in USA in 2017

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For the first time in almost fifty years the name Adolf is topping the lists for most popular baby names in the United States...

Trump’s travel ban now badge of merit as countries begin adding themselves voluntarily

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President Donald Trump, perhaps the funniest American president since the last republican one, has hailed the success of his travel ban after many countries...

Trump apology shocks nation   

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In a move that has shocked the world the shredded wheat headed presidential candidate Donald Trump has actually apologised for something. His apology was aimed...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump denies allegations he has rigged erections

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The allegation was made by Anthony "Fandango" Scaramucci following his removal from post. The President's former tiny-right-hand man lashed out indiscriminately at his former...

Trump tells California, Cut down all the trees to prevent future forest fires

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POTATUS has announced that if all the trees in California were cut down then there would be no forest fires. POTATUS got the idea after...

Theresa May summons devil to discuss Syria

The prime minister has summoned the devil to discuss the government's response to a suspected chemical weapons attack in Syria. They are expected to discuss...

Eric Trump banned from All-Valley Championships after breaking Daniel Larusso’s leg

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There was fresh controversy in the Trump camp this morning as allegations emerged of cheating in the All-Valley Karate Championships. In a blow to the...
Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to fuck off in person

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Following historic meetings with world leaders such as Carwyn Jones and Nicola Sturgeon during her first week as British Prime Minister Theresa is set...

Trump tells G7 steel tariffs will ensure weapons used for mass slaughter will be...

Donald Trump has announced that steel and aluminium import tariffs will mitigate concerns that the Assault Rifles used in mass shootings recently have not...

Christmas moved to November 12th

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Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The...
Trump in a barrel

American lawmakers to submerge Donald Trump in barrel of water to see if he...

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It was announced today via The USA news site that Donald Trump will be immersed in a barrel of water to see if he...

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