Shit closer to hitting fan than yesterday
Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer...
Despair after terrible person makes valid point
A man has been left bereft of all hope for the future after discovering that the worst person he knows might have made a...
Donald Trump to join list of ‘self-aware’ animals after recognising himself in a mirror
US President Donald Trump joined the list of animals capable of self-awareness yesterday, following reports that he may have finally recognised himself in a...
We did have a Kermit at protest insist violent alt-left anti-Nazi protestors
The anti-Nazi protestors who were in Charlottesville over the weekend have responded furiously to Donald Trump's remarks this morning releasing a statement which read.
"We...
Burning American flag saved after hero puts out fire using black man
A flag of the United States of America was saved from burning today after a brave patriot quelled the flames using an African American...
Donald Trump could pardon himself of crime he definitely didn’t commit
Donald Trump could pardon himself of a crime he repeatedly says he hasn't committed. That's according to his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.
Giuliani said, "It may...
President Trump to wear eclipse glasses when viewing the news to protect his thin...
It was announced today via Twitter that President Trump will now wear eclipse glasses when viewing the news in order to protect his thin...
Massive weapon condemns massive weapon’s massive weapon test
A massive weapon took to social media this morning to condemn the massive weapon test of another massive weapon.
It's unclear at this point who...
Steve Bannon Torn Over Best Way To F*ck The Disabled
Following reports that Donald Trump will no longer repeal an Executive Order protecting LGBT rights, White House insiders have revealed that his Chief Strategist,...
National security at stake after Donald Trump gets stuck in revolving door
The removal from office of Anthony "You're fired!" Scaramucci and Reince "You're fired too!" Priebus have prompted many White House insiders to consider the...
Tower Block residents look forward to less health and safety legislation post Brexit
A recent survey of tenants living in firetrap and substandard accommodation has showed overwhelming support for abolishing laws designed to protect them.
The survey for...
Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax
Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at...
Trump condemns dead soldier for not standing during national anthem
President Donald Trump has rebuked allegations of inappropriate comments made by the grieving widow of a US soldier today by pointing out her husband...
Bad guys with guns get more practice complain good guys with guns
Good guys with guns in America went on the record this morning to complain they're unfairly getting a bad reputation after failing to prevent the 2078th successive mass shooting since 2,000.
Trump’s presidency is ‘metaphorical, not literal’, says Spicer
Following unsubstantiated wiretapping allegations, president Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, has argued that Trump is the metaphorical president and leader of the free world,...
Picture yourself in their shoes
A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo,...
