Spanish bullfighters win inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup

Spain’s bullfighters have won the inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup in Brazil, narrowly beating the foxhunters of England in the final. The competition, in...
Erdogan

Rank outsider sweeps to completely surprising victory in Turkish Presidential election

A rank-outsider has swept to victory in Turkey's presidential election defying the odds to secure a third five year term. Election authority chief said "imagine...

Trump asking his people to crack the nuclear codes in case he needs to...

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‘I hope POTUS has his best people working on cracking the nuclear codes in case we go to war with that crazy man in Canada.’
Russophobia

Russia accuse Boris of hysterical Russophobia

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Russia has responded to Boris Johnson's accusations of war crimes by counter-accusing the British government and Boris in particular of 'Russophobia.' Despite what one may...

Oh,For f*ck’s Sake Most Commonly Used Phrase Of 2016

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Oh, for fuck’s sake said everyone this morning, following reports of more people dying at the hands of total arseholes.  After news broke of the...

Donald Trump could pardon himself of crime he definitely didn’t commit

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Donald Trump could pardon himself of a crime he repeatedly says he hasn't committed. That's according to his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani said, "It may...
Woman in curlers

Rochdale Prostitutes Challenge Putin’s Claim ‘Russians are Best’

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Deidre McDearie, voted Rochdale's leading lady of the night eight years' running, has challenged President Putin over his claims that Russia's call girls are...

Anonymous declare war on ISIS for 4657th time.

The group Anonymous have today declared war on ISIS for the 4657th time. A spokesman for the group said, "ISIS should prepare for a fate...

Pakistani woman sentenced to death for insulting Harry Potter

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A woman in Pakistan has been sentenced to death for insulting the fictional character, Harry Potter. The woman's lawyer told us, "This woman deeply insulted Harry Potter...

Specsavers Official Sponsors Of WWIII

Specsavers has announced it has signed a two-year deal as official sponsors of the forthcoming World War Three, with effect from mid November. The company...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in...

PG tips bribery scandal uncovered as Tim Farron makes ‘put the kettle on’ jibe

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In the wake of the Leaders debate on the BBC, it has been alleged that lib dem leader Tim Farron was paid a substantial amount...

James Bond producers buzzing about Putin’s Cold War reboot

The producers of the James Bond movie franchise are said to be absolutely over the moon about Vladimir Putin's recent decision to reboot the Cold War.

Trump Team Dismiss 9 Year-Old ‘Body Swap’ Claims

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A spokesperson for Donald Trump has described as “absurd” claims being made by a Wisconsin couple that the President-elect is actually their 9 year-old son.  Mike and...
Trump:May

Special relationship means you ask me for stuff and I tell you to get...

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Trump has confirmed that the status of ‘Special Relationship’ means that he basically ignores any request that Prime Minister May might ask of him...

America To Be Renamed Trumptopia

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Donald Trump has announced a new step in his plan to make America great again - he's renaming it after himself. In a press conference,...

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