The prime minister has summoned the devil to discuss the government’s response to a suspected chemical weapons attack in Syria.

They are expected to discuss the options for military action being considered by America and its allies.

Beelzebub was summoned during a brief ritual involving a pentagram, the sacrifice of a disabled child and singing Morrisey’s ‘You’re The One For Me Fatty’ while looking in a mirror, sources have told The Rochdale Herald.

Mr Beelzebub, who appeared in a puff of smoke in the form of former Prime Minister and snake oil salesman Tony Blair, is apparently quite keen on another go at a war in the Middle East.

Mrs May has said that “all the indications are that a good war is good for the economy, and by the economy I mean the industrial military complex.”

If Mrs May and Beelzebub approve UK involvement in military action, that would open the way for “increased profits for British arms manufacturers and the opportunity for Hell to harvest many more souls.”

US President Donald Trump has tweeted that Assad should get ready for a surprise attack on Tuesday.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.