Denmark offers to buy America from Russia
Mette Frederiksen, the Prime Minister of Denmark has reportedly expressed an interest in buying the Russian controlled territory of the United States of America.
Rich...
Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration
In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka...
Fictional President held to higher standard than actual President
Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment.
Whilst his Presidency...
Man dies of boredom after chance meeting with vegan who does CrossFit
A Rochdale man has died after being placed near a group of Gym buddies at a Christmas party.
Horace Cope was rushed to hospital after...
Colonists on LV-426 excited after discovery of Easter eggs
Colonists on the Terraforming, research and mining colony Hadley's Hope have discovered what appears to be a large amount of Easter eggs in a...
Burnley mum left ‘fuming’ after finding half a vegetable in packet of frozen rats
A Burnley supermarket has been forced to remove dozens of dead rats from its shelves after a customer reported finding half a vegetable inside...
Trump adds Germany to Travel Ban after hostages taken at Nakatomi Tower
Donald Trump has added the populations of Germany and Austria to his controversial travel ban after hearing reports that terrorists have taken hostages at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles, again.
Mass shootings are an unsolvable problem says country with a mass shootings problem
A country that has a really serious problem with deranged lunatics buying really big guns and shooting dozens of strangers has publicly said it...
Starbucks evacuated after customer Alan Akbar orders a coffee
A Starbucks in Manchester was evacuated today after a man called Alan Akbar ordered a Caramel Frappuccino.
Alan told us, "I was out shopping and...
Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19
Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
David Davis replaced as Brexit negotiator by two short planks
The government announced this morning that Chief Brexit negotiator David Davis is to be replaced by two short planks.
It's believed the replacement of Mr....
Rees-Mogg admits he took snuff at Debutante Ball
Prominent Conservative backbencher, Jacob Rees-Mogg has admitted to partaking in the eighteenth century pastime of inhaling ground tobacco, otherwise known as snuff.
The admission came...
Buzz Aldrin says not punching Trump is his greatest achievement
Buzz Aldrin has suprised many today by saying that his greatest achievement is not punching Donald Trump. Mr Aldrin attended an event where the...
University of Life under Ofsted investigation after turning out complete fucking idiots
Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet.
A lower-level investigation...
Glastonbury food vendors uproar after Jeremy Corbyn feeds festival with five loaves and two...
Food vendors at the Glastonbury festival have been in uproar today after Jeremy Corbyn fed the entire site using just five loaves of bread...
Aliens land on earth, demand under no circumstances to be taken to our leaders
It has been confirmed that aliens have landed on earth over the festive period. Their large red craft, powered by nine outlying vaguely reindeer-shaped...
