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Britain gears up for Dianageddon

A lack of Britain shooting itself in the foot and Donald Trump not doing something stupid for a few days has left Britain to contemplate its plans Dianageddon. The Daily Express has announced it intends...
Royal Family

United Kingdom gobsmacked as child turns four

It was announced yesterday, with the publication of an official photograph, that a child is turning four today. We spoke to anthropologist, Dr Kay Smallbones who told us: "This is actually far more common than people...
Boris Felipe Spoon

Boris Johnson hits King of Spain on forehead with spoon after mistaking him for...

Britain and Spain are embroiled in a ferocious diplomatic incident after Boris Johnson hit King Felipe VI of Spain on the forehead with a spoon after mistaking him for a drinks waiter. The incident, described...

Rolf Harris to paint The Queen again for TV comeback special

Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility of rebooting his television career after being released last May...

Prince Philip to be dismantled following cladding inspection failure

HRH the Duke Of Edinburgh to be decommissioned and scrapped after failing Health and Safety tests. Sad scenes at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip failed to pass the safety tests that are being carried...

Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film

His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga. Warning: contains spoilers Shooting began today for the latest instalment of the long running science fiction saga that has...

Prince Philip in grim reaper racist remark gaffe

Hospital staff were apparently left flabbergasted at the Duke of Edinburgh's casually racist remarks during a recent impromptu visit by Death, the harvester of souls. His Royal Highness had been admitted to King Edward VII...

Nurses and Firemen organise whip-round to help pensioner do up her house

Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. ‘We heard about the poor woman’s plight and knew we had to do something,’...

Queen shows solidarity with NHS workers by only accepting 1% pay rise

Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers. "I heard that public sector plebs were getting a 1% rise this year" said...

Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public

HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point out that the hospitalisation was purely precautionary as the result...

Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...
Prince Harry

Prince Harry ruled unfit for work by ATOS

Prince Harry has been ruled unfit for work by ATOS after attending a work capability assessment. "The Prince was sanctioned last month after he missed his first appointment; the excuse given was that he was...

Jeremy Corbyn further insults the Queen with massive wedgie

By means of adding injury to insult, nefarious super villain and national traitor Jeremy Corbyn went one step lower in his ceaseless quest to disrespect our glorious monarch Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II by...

Unemployed layabout doesn’t want £350m a year job shaking hands and waving

The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will only do it if we force him to. Harry, surprisingly red...

Let’s get this over with Says Queen

Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness is reported to be annoyed for several reasons about todays...
Queen and Philip

Queen to redo speech after forgetting to say ‘strong and stable’

In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she forgot to say 'strong and stable'. The shock announcement from Downing...

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