The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas. 

A Palace source told us, “It was going cheap because of some recall or something. The Queen loves a bargain so seized her chance. It was delivered this afternoon.”

A spokesman for Prince Andrew said, “Prince Andrew was thrilled with it. He has a lot of dirty laundry at the moment that he’s been forced to air in public. It had been plumbed in and everything.”

Elsewhere details of the Queen’s Christmas speech have been revealed. The first four paragraphs contain a heartfelt eulogy for Prince Andrew after his unfortunate death in a fire/heart attack/car crash next Sunday.”

The Rochdale Herald will be publishing a musical eulogy for the Prince involving pictures of the Prince set to the song, In The Brownies.

In other Royal news, Buckingham Palace has released more vacuous stories about The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge in an effort to deflect attention from sex trafficking allegations involving Prince Andrew.