Science and Technology

Scientists from the Institute For Politicised Childhoods have announced the results of extensive testing, on toddlers, in laboratories. "They're all Conservatives, by and large." Dr. Bee Levermen revealed. "We had this hypothesis and we set...

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber attack, is apparently still using analogue equipment, the Rochdale Herald...

People who pay for things using the exact change are "worse than Hitler, Stalin and Piers Morgan combined" according to new research. The study, which was carried out within the head of Rochdale man Kevin...

Damon McIntyre of Rochdale was awarded a gold medal by his local community this week after managing a whole week without using the phrase “my iPhone” unnecessarily. “It’s been a trying few years for everyone,”...

A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date. Police told the Herald that they believed the woman had died sometime over the weekend. Forensic scientist...

After the recent news that Stephen Fry is to be stoned to death by Irish authorities for calling God 'a bit of dick', the Irish Garda are now considering prosecuting other celebrity blasphemers. The most notable example...

The wheel, the lightbulb, combustion engine, space travel, and the internet all pale in comparison to pre-sliced bread according to public opinion. "I created the world wide web for fucks sake... The single most important step...

With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the herb rosemary really does help memory. A study, which was almost...

Only Theresa May can effectively negotiate Brexit, according to Tories. "Obviously with all 27 EU nations being absolutely united and holding all the cards," explained Brexit expert and Conservative Party member Lotta Pounds, "it would...

?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in 2049 will be spear-headed by a new slogan, one more...

Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today. The green, eight-fingered, slimy Q’Luurfbians had planned to invade this coming...

Following the release of a teaser for the upcoming Star Wars VIII documentary film, the BBC has been accused of heavy bias towards the rebel scum.  Recent Question Time programmes have featured panels heavy with...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus. “We’ve been happily...

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime numbers. A prime number is a number that can only be...

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated by the self-righteous when they're offended could supply most of...

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed, among the membership of right-wing groups. Doctor Jean Splicer, 42, has...