Politics

It was announced this morning by ToryDinners4U, a think tank specially focused on food service and traditional conservative values, that the prime minister will attempt to win back the youth vote by inviting younger...

Bouyed by his Saturday Durham Miner's Gala deification in front of the last 200,000 or so flat-cap wearing left-wing supporters in the country, Jeremy Corbyn today suggested that he welcomed Theresa May's call for...

In light of the slim Conservative majority, primary school children up and down the nation awake today uncertain of their future meal prospects. "Will I still get some fish fingers, chips and peas at dinner...

Number 10 has today reassured the Rochdale Herald that everything is in good order and that they do, in fact, know what they are doing with Brexit. Our Number 10 insider told us “Our...

This could be the headline if the Houses of Parliament aren't upgraded. A one off special of the show 'Homes Under The Hammer' will be broadcast next week on the BBC, in which international investor...

The media was all over reports this morning that a strong and stable government policy document on immigration has become wedged between two windows and viewable by all, causing distress to many. It appears the...

The Government quickly moved to exempt itself from the report released yesterday which found major inequalities on racial grounds in UK organisations. Speaking without coughing her guts up for once, Prime Minister Teresa 'Honky'...

Jeremy Corbyn's conference speech has been rapturously received by conference delegates. The speech consisted solely of Corbyn repeating the line, "Oh Jeremy Corbyn" for a whole hour. Delegate Roy Hates, 62 said, "I don't see how...

Mr Henry Bolt-on was celebrating tonight after having managed the milestone event of third longest serving UKIP leader, even though he was only elected leader at lunch time. Mr Bolt-on is said to be out...

UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s use of statistics. Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to...

Carpet magnate Lord Harris has given May a high-quality luxury carpeting. "May is a dead duck pushing a white elephant" is not quite what Lord Harris said, but the Herald is never afraid to...

Researchers at Rochdale College have found evidence that seems to show most Brexiteers cheat during family games of Monopoly. Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We took a wide range of volunteer families from different classes,...

David Davis offered reassurance today to business leaders worried about customs arrangements post Brexit by declaring he would seek a pinky promise with Michel Barnier. It's felt that by offering such a time honoured and...

The Daily Mail has accused the BBC of ignoring all the positive benefits Brexit has brought. In an editorial, the paper says that the BBC is deliberately ignoring the economic boom that is clearly going....

UKIP’s press officer Ms Gline Garafe reassured a nervous nation today but stating that UKIP’s new leader is undergoing hypnotherapy to stop him saying “I'm not a racist, but” in interviews. “Bongo bongo land is...

The woman pretending to be British Prime Minister is expected to increase her appeal to the younger demographics today. She will do it by reassuring that medical advances mean most of them will live...