Jeremy Corbyn’s conference speech has been rapturously received by conference delegates.

The speech consisted solely of Corbyn repeating the line, “Oh Jeremy Corbyn” for a whole hour.

Delegate Roy Hates, 62 said, “I don’t see how you can’t vote for him after that. He’s promised to take us out of the EU. Promised to protect British jobs and promised to introduce immigration controls. Fantastic.”

Momentum member Andy Tackle, 19 said, “It was brilliant. He promised to keep us in the EU. Promised to keep borders open and I’m even going to get a job doing fashion or TV presenting and earn millions like David Beckham.”

Tina Hart said, “I thought his line on equality and foreign affairs was good. It was important that he said that Israel causes lots of problems in the Middle East. He also said Israel is Jewish. I took this to be validation of my belief that all Jewish people are bad. You just don’t get that with most parties.

I’ll definitely be voting for him and boycotting Zionists. It is Zionists we call them now isn’t it?”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.