Politics

The Boy Scouts of America have issued a statement denying meeting Donald Trump. “It never happened. It's fake news folks.” The statement begins. “Only a sick, sick person would believe that we would ask a man...

Lord Sir Michael Heseltine of Sith has dismissed the outrage over his admitting to throttling a dog as "Hippy nonsense!" as animal lovers across the nation show their scorn. "It had some kind of mental...

The Herald, your only reliable source for news these days, has yet again got the scoopiest of exclusives, today we interview the CIA on the recent Russian hacking and election tampering. RH: Good afternoon....

Michael Gove, the man who claimed Britain had “had enough of experts” would appear to have at least some time for them, at least when it comes to his own health. Dining out in a...

The UK has today agreed with former UKIP leadership challenger Suzanne Evans when she said the party needed an image change. Preferably to a less ghastly parody of the KKK.  Interviewed by the BBC, Ms...

In a speech today Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith has revealed that bears have secret plans to defecate in the woods. In a hustings earlier he said "Under the Conservative government, the instances of bears...

A Rochdale champagne socialist has accidentally revealed that the cost of scrapping tuition fees would be £100bn. Anthony Taylor-Twyford revealed the cost at a press conference after consuming too much warm Prosecco. Speaking to the...

UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson's use of statistics. Head of the watchdog Mr Norse Code is said to...

In the wake of the recent cyber-attacks on parliament, we have learned a lot. For starters, the reason Theresa May keeps saying “strong and stable” - it’s not merely her soundbite of choice, she...

Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.

A man who distinctly said that he’d “deal with” student debt during an interview with the NME is curious to know why everybody was under the impression that he planned to deal with student...

Tory Chief Whip, Francis Gavin Urquhart Williamson, has advised the parliamentary Conservative party during a closed meeting that the beatings will continue until morale improves. Devlin Halfrun, a junior minister in the Dept for Getting...

Outraged music lovers everywhere have been devastated by the news that Brexit will cause the Three Tenors to be devalued to £17.93. Observers have noted that the fall in value of the Pound has coincided...

It’s been revealed that American President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladamir Putin have agreed to partition Poland between their two countries. Both leaders agreed that whenever despots come to power ‘it’s Poland which...

Since June 23 Brexiters led by an enraged Nigel Farage haven't stopped moaning about the majority vote for Britain to remain in EU. "I don't care if it was 8% or 80%!" fumed Mr. Farage. "We...

Recent medical studies have found a direct link between xenophobic thoughts and the rampant outbreak of Nuttalls in the U.K. Closely resembling a haemorrhoid, a Nuttall is a pink, puss filled boil that can appear...