Clean-shaven white van man obviously failed by mental health services
A clean-shaven, white man has been arrested outside a Mosque in Finsbury, London, after his van veered off the road and directly into eleven...
Department of Education announce Degree in Hindsight to prevent all future tragedies
Civil servants and politicians from a wide range of governmental departments are throwing their weight behind a Department of Education proposal to create a...
Ed Sheeran receives MBE for services to blandness
Ed Sheeran was clearly chuffed to receive his MBE for services to blandness, remarking, "I really don't know what to say, but it's a great...
Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend
Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning.
As millions of us check up on the...
A little food for thought… A pack of wolves
The three in front are old & sick, they walk in front to set the pace of the running group lest they get left...
Tragedy strikes as Dogs Die in Hot Cars die in hot car
The late 1990's Scottish Indy Rock community is in mourning today after hearing the news that the ironically named band Dogs Die in Hot...
Annual day of disappointment for fathers receiving crap presents
It's Father's Day and an annual day of depression for men across the nation as fathers are expected to sit, smile and feign appreciation...
Leave voters incensed as EU threatens to take away Continental summer weather
Leave voters voiced their anger today as the EU threatened to take away the Continental weather that sees England baking in sunshine and heat...
Kaiser Chiefs hurriedly rerelease ‘I Predict a Riot’
As crowds of surprisingly calm protesters gather at Westminister to demand the resignation of the recently elected droid, Maybot 2.0, The Kaiser Chiefs are...
Theresa May wins coveted Parliamentary Cross Party Hide and Seek Trophy
Prime minister Theresa May has won the 2017 Parliamentary Cross Party Hide and Seek Trophy ahead of stiff competition.
"It was an incredible effort from...
Channel 4 on course to disappear up its own arse
Channel 4 have announced a new meta-programming initiative with which it hopes to exceed the success of the Gogglebox franchise. The new programming will...
Theresa May establishes Disaster Committee to “get ahead of the game”
Theresa May reassured a worried nation today by giving David Davis extra responsibility when she appointed him head of the newly formed Disaster Committee.
It's a...
10 injured after multi trolley pile up in dash to newly opened til at...
Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. It is believed the carnage was a result of an inexperienced...
Britain First release ‘terrorist-proof’ onesie
Britain First have revealed what they claim to be the first ever 'terrorist-proof' clothing - a onesie made entirely from bacon.
Called the 'baconsie', the...
“It’s time to take back control”, writes The Queen
One's elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one...
Tim Farron quits politics to record Judy Garland cover album
Tim Farron has sensationally quit the leadership of the Liberal Democrats this week to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a full time Judy Garland impersonator.
