Daily Mail editor spontaneously combusts in Syrian child refugee logic feedback loop tragedy
After recent conflicts of conscience for the Mail, yesterday's news headlines about a little boy from Aleppo in Syria has caused it to disappear...
Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction
The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction.
The...
ISIS applies for FIFA membership
The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.
In a surprise move, they hope to be...
Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover
The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world...
Thousands dead in Daily Mail Olympics tragedy
Thousands of Daily Mail readers are dead today after their heads exploded whilst reading the rag's coverage of the Olympics.
Mild confusion over the juxtaposition...
Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams.
"It's not just...
Daily Mail readers die from apoplexy after Muslim Immigrant wins Gold
Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m...
Americans horrified to learn what the word ‘amendment’ means
As hillbillies, rednecks and evangelical Christian right wing crackpots continue to celebrate the last thrashings of America's hold on reality with their ongoing support...
Daily Mail readers push uphill for Gardner
Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French"...
Katie Hopkins replaced by audio book of Mein Kampf narrated by Paul Nuttall
Until LBC can find a suitable successor to Katie Hopkins her slot will be filled by a looped recording of Mein Kampf, narrated by...
Argentina offers to invade Falklands Islands for £1B if that will help May?
A man claiming to represent Argentina has allegedly phoned the British prime minister and said for £1 billion they will pretend to invade the...
Cameron brings attention to himself to avoid attention being on him
David Cameron, pig-fiddling, radish-faced ex-PM has decided to step down as an MP.
Cameron, who nobody has so much as glanced at in Parliament since...
Daily Mail reveal United Airlines assault victim once had an overdue library book
It has been revealed today that Dr David Dao, the passenger on a United Airlines flight who was beaten for sitting in a seat...
Ryanair confirm passengers to fly planes from 2020
Troubled budget airline Ryanair today announced plans to ease their ongoing pilot strike issues by confirming they will now charge customers to fly their...
Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake
Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...
Cliff and Keith “devastated” following death of their brother Little
Cliff Richard and twin brother Keith are said to be "utterly devastated" following the death of their big brother, Little, sources have told The...
