New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants
In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from...
Buzz Aldrin says not punching Trump is his greatest achievement
Buzz Aldrin has suprised many today by saying that his greatest achievement is not punching Donald Trump. Mr Aldrin attended an event where the...
Mrs Brown’s Boys accused of hiding all their funny jokes in offshore accounts
Following recent reports that members of the cast of inexplicably popular BBC "comedy" Mrs Brown's Boys have funds stored in offshore tax havens, The...
Poppies outraged at being hijacked by intolerable, out of touch band of Nationalists.
The prima-donna XI, also known as the England National football team, have confirmed that they will take to the pitch against Germany this Friday,...
Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...
Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Winning a general election easier than taking benefits from orphans says woman who took...
Like the irritating eager new guy at work, dark Sith Lord and unelected PM, Theresa May, announced a snap general election 15 minutes before...
Man kills woman
A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman
This article...
After success with beavers in Scotland, trains to be reintroduced in South of England
Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct...
Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’
The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament.
The policy, which will see families currently...
Knackered dam describes Boris Johnson as looking ‘dodgy and unstable’
A knackered dam in Derbyshire has described the UK prime minister as looking "dodgy but unstable" and a "substantial risk".
The dam in Whaley Bridge...
Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!
Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun...
America in shock after a live streamed dispute is resolved without a single shot...
Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire.
Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from...
Sports Direct CEO burns millions of pounds in front of staff
Self assured fuck nugget Mike Ashley, CEO of Sports Direct, pulled the idiotic stunt at one of his sweat shops earlier today.
Keith Stitcher, a...
Daleks to replace ‘exterminate’ slogan with ‘strong and stable’ for 2049 re-election bid.
?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in...
Tom Daley admits pissing in pool
Great British diving legend Tom Daley, who recently claimed Bronze in the synchronized diving with his partner (Dan something or other), has sensationally confessed...
Mixed feelings for Tommy Robinson supporters as bloke called Ali puts England into semi...
Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals...
