Kitten lab

Earth isn’t flat, cats would have pushed everything off edge by now if it...

Scientists around the World have finally conceded that the Earth is most probably not a completely flat disc after all. Research conducted at the University...
The Daily Mail

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners

16
Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline...

Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’

0
The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament. The policy, which will see families currently...
White Supremes

Cabinet to wear face masks during Cobra meeting as precaution against Coronavirus

The prime minister and senior members of the cabinet are to wear full face masks during today's Cobra meeting to decide whether to bring...

Thousands gather in London to watch fireworks through their phones

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Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people...
Buzz Aldrin

Buzz Aldrin says not punching Trump is his greatest achievement

42
Buzz Aldrin has suprised many today by saying that his greatest achievement is not punching Donald Trump. Mr Aldrin attended an event where the...

Rochdale man jailed for putting milk in tea before taking out teabag

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A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was...

?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules

Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners...
Cat

Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...

44
Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Free Tommy Robinson

‘Off to free Tommy Robinson’ replaces ‘dropping kids off at the pool’ as UK’s...

0
News is just in that spot poll of everybody in the UK has revealed today that the UK's favourite synonym for taking a dump...
football referees

Football referees warned not to go against the will of the people

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Following criticism of High Court Judges 'interfering' in the Brexit process, the Football Association have decided to get rid of football referees. "We don't need...

Nigel Farage thrilled to hold onto Question Time Seat

Nigel Farage has responded to criticism from Andrew Neill that Brexit Party no longer has a reason to exist following their total annihilation in the exit...

Politician was my second choice, I really wanted to be a maths teacher admits...

Diane Abbott has responded to criticism of her dismal interview performance on LBC yesterday by saying that she never really wanted to be a...
Ryanair

Ryanair to charge depressed passengers for emotional baggage

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Ryanair have today announced that they will start charging depressed passengers for bringing emotional baggage with them onto their flights. The budget airline has said...

Jacob Rees-Mogg completely opposed to jazz music and women in trousers under any circumstances

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During an appearance on The One Show this week, Conservative leadership favourite and plum-voiced time traveller, Jacob Rees-Mogg admitted his firm 1920s beliefs meant...

Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg

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Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save...

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