David Cameron

Cameron brings attention to himself to avoid attention being on him

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David Cameron, pig-fiddling, radish-faced ex-PM has decided to step down as an MP. Cameron, who nobody has so much as glanced at in Parliament since...

?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time

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During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed. "It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who...
The Daily Mail

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners

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Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline...

?Kim Jong Un invents universal cure

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The secretive state of North Korea has managed to cure most illnesses from the common cold to cancer, it has been revealed. Ishit Yu Not,...
Donald Trump

Lord Lucan, Pol Pot, Martin Borman ,Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and Boko Haram emerge from...

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An entire top shelf of global mass murderers have signalled they plan to emerge from hiding following the announcement by US president Donald trump...

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

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There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned...

Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties

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The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first...

Americans horrified to learn what the word ‘amendment’ means

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As hillbillies, rednecks and evangelical Christian right wing crackpots continue to celebrate the last thrashings of America's hold on reality with their ongoing support...

Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover

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The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world...

Katie Hopkins replaced by audio book of Mein Kampf narrated by Paul Nuttall

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Until LBC can find a suitable successor to Katie Hopkins her slot will be filled by a looped recording of Mein Kampf, narrated by...

DFS sale finally over

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After 51 years, the DFS sale has finally come to an end. With the news from Prime Minister Boris Johnson that the UK has effectively...

Trump wears tinfoil hat to stop Obama hearing his thoughts…

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President Donald J. Trump has come up with an ingenious solution to prevent Obama from ‘spying on his thoughts’. He now wears a tinfoil...

Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe

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There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

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Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.
Rochdale

Rochdale residents anger as DNA test reveals some are 60% potato

Rochdale residents have been angered by a DNA profiling study that showed that many weren't descendants of native Rochdaleans at all. The study, run by...
Pot to piss in

Conservatives pledge ‘free pots’ for poor to piss in

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In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot. Current Work and...

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