Dentist

Tooth Fairy tax fully costs Tory manifesto

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Humbled by her failed election gambit Theresa May today announced a new policy to resolve the social care funding crisis which torpedoed her election campaign. "From Monday," Mrs. May said on the step at No....

Corbyn Calls for Alton Towers to be Nationalised as Queues for Rollercoaster hits 2...

Waiting for hours for the hope of a seat, crushed up against other in the park, or crouched uncomfortably in the queues is an all-too-common experience for many Theme Park go-ers. But you can...

1 billion Yahoo users ‘not arsed’ about forgotten Yahoo accounts being hacked

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Ancient search engine and former email provider, Yahoo, has admitted that 1 billion of its users security has been breached. Yahoo, which was once a multi billion dollar blue chip company is now run by...

Gallagher in filthy pool party outrage

1
Our colleagues at the Swindon Advertiser have told us that bacteria in the water has resulted in the Oasis pool being shut for the rest of the summer holidays. The discovery of cryptosporidium, which poses...
Wayne Rooney

Touching scenes as Rooney reunited with hair transplant donor

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Footage has been revealed of the touching scenes when Wayne Rooney was reunited with his hair donor. The meeting took place on the rock of Gibraltar after Rooney was touring the rock and had just...
Downing Street

Stubborn turd refuses to flush

6
A massive turd that is blocking the downstairs bog next to the Cabinet Meeting Room in Downing Street has been studiously ignoring hints that he isn’t welcome in the building. The steaming piece of feculence...

Galloway Still Not Gone Away

Scotland's answer to Simon Danczuk, George Clementine Galloway, is inexplicably in the news again despite not being on Celebrity Big Brother.  The ex-Labour MP and reality TV fuckwit has made headlines after his pseudo...

Huddersfield Town veterans prepared for step up in pace

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Senior members of the Huddersfield Town squad today confirmed that they have no concerns about promotion. “I took some advice about staying fit for top flight as an older player from David Batty’s wife...

U.S transgender community ‘relieved’ they will not die fighting for Trump

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As President Trump, leader of the free world, announced that transgender citizens would no longer be allowed to serve the U.S. Armed forces in any capacity emotion swept the community.  Many people vented their anger...

Brexwhat? Say the Channel Islands

1
While the UK slowly goes into meltdown over leaving the EU the people of the Channel Islands are left scratching their heads wondering what the hell Brexit is anyway?  The beautiful archipelago off the coast...
Old people

Tories relying on the elderly to forget about the Dementia Tax to win election

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After announcing their proposal for elderly social care, Theresa May and the Conservative Party went down in the polls harder than an OAP slipping on an icy path. Dubbed as the 'Dementia Tax' the proposal saw the...

Man who’s ‘sick of reboots’ stops watching them

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A man who claims that reboots of movies shouldn't be allowed because they always ruin the originals has stopped watching them. Trevor Sallis, an office manager from Basingstoke, said; "They need to leave stuff alone....

Corbyn ‘sells out’ in Stoke

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Leader of the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn (27), has finally sold out in Stoke. “Every single copy of my Big Issues has gone…”, said Corbyn. It is the first time he has ever managed to...

Post Office denies responsibility for items lost in Post

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Today The Post Office officially denied responsibility for undelivered items getting lost in the postal system. Post Office spokespostie, Patrick Clifton, told The Herald; "It's the job of the sender to pay enough postage to reach...

Blade Runner sequel to be every bit as good as Prometheus

The news that the sequel to Sci Fi classic Blade Runner is being banged together finally made the news today after a worker was injured by blatant excuse to get people interested in the...
Book

World book day sparked hate incident

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An unfortunate faux pas occurred yesterday at St Timothy's primary school in Rochdale. Gareth Brown, a year 5 pupil was sent home after arriving at school dressed in full Waffen SS regalia. We contacted Gareth's father, Mr Trevor...

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