Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

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Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
Ed Sheeran

Night out at Ed Sheeran gig ruined by Ed Sheeran music

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A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from...

VAR becomes favourite to win Sports Personality of the Year

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VAR is now the favourite to win BBC Sports Personality of the Year. It marks a remarkable turnaround in VAR's fortunes after spending the...

Paul Nutall announces he’s going to be the next Doctor

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Early last week news broke that Peter Capaldi will stepping down from the iconic role after this year's Christmas special. Speculation has been rife as...
Blue Passport

People’s Republic of Kensington wins oxymoron of the year award

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The people of Kensington & Chelsea, one of the richest boroughs in London, having elected their first Labour MP, have taken things one step...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

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Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre'...

Batman and Robin demand exemption from UKIP Burqa ban

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International fictional crime fighting duo Batman and Robin Tuesday issued a writ demanding exemption from UKIP's planned blanket ban on burqas which the party...

“It’s time to take back control”, writes The Queen

7
One's elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one...

Politicians human too. Balls!

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Speaking on the Jeremy Vine show on BBC Radio 2 this afternoon, Strictly Come Dancer Ed Balls made the outrageous claim that politicians are...
Ainsley Harriott

Ainsley Harriott kicked out of satanic death cult for using too much turmeric

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Speaking privately to The Rochdale Herald’s Donna Bellievitti, Satanic cultist and alleged writer Lynda la Plante discussed his expulsion from the group. "Look it's simple...

Tony Blair ego in critical condition after found clinging to Brexit controversy in Atlantic

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After being lost for several months following his exile from the UK, Tony Blair's ego has been found clinging desperately to a Brexit controversy...
Pregnancy

Government launch ‘Kids for Britain’ scheme to encourage teenage pregnancy to replace migrant workers...

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The Home Office is to launch an eye popping new initiative designed to compensate for the expected loss of Eastern European field workers as...

5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts

Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country. In an exclusive...

Britain To Close Controversial Island Refugee Centre

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Britain's oldest island refugee centre, Australia, is to be closed following reports of inhumane conditions and bonkers management. The centre, set up in 1770, has...

This weeks Soap headlines

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The Rochdale Herald: Giving you all the goss! Emmerdale Farm It's all twists and turns this week as someone has a brew from the cafe and...
knitting

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

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The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...

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