I am a Vagrant Get Me Out Of Here!
Customers visiting a Tesco supermarket in Leytonstone, East London had a surprise when they were asked to pay £2 to step inside a “Santa's Grotto” tucked into a corner outside the supermarket.
Britain First Dates
After the success of its restaurant based dating show, Channel 4 are set to do a one-off Xmas special to coincide with Paul Golding being sent to prison called 'Britain First Dates'.
The show will...
Curse of the Railway Children Strikes Again as Deddie Davies Dies
The Curse of "The Railway Children" has struck again. The film made in 1970 told the tale of a group of children and a railway.
However the cast have paid a heavy price for their...
Jason Manford Kicks Aid Worker from Wall
In a move that is sure to delight anti-refugee groups throughout the country, the once amusing Northern 'comedian', Jason Manford shockingly kicked an aid worker from a wall today.
The incident happened when Herald journalist,...
ISIL in talks with Amazon over drone deliveries deal
An email has surfaced, from an anonymous source claiming to be from within Amazon, which suggests that the international distribution leviathan is in secret talks with a shadowy company over its plans to roll...
Sports Personality of the Year changed to ‘Sportsperson’ After Trade Descriptions Probe
The BBC has announced that their annual jockfest 'Sports Personality of the Year' is to be renamed 'Sportsperson of the Year' following an investigation under the Trades Descriptions Act.
BBC spokesman Damian D'Amienne said;
"We have...
Nigel Farage in eleventh hour bid for International Twat of the Year Award
Nigel Farage has made an eleventh hour bid to snatch the "International Twat of the Year Award" from Donald Trump.
Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim
Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.
Paul Golding Christmas Carol
Jingle Bells
My cell smells
It's gloomy and its rank
I only pissed some Muslims off
Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey
Jingle Bells
This is hell
I don't think it's funny
The Rochdale Herald sponsored me
And are collecting lots of...
Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy
In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten off with a premium sex toy.
The attacker forced his way...
Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means
Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.
Creator of Sitcom-Only Medical Procedure Heimlichs Out
US doctor Henry Heimlich, who invented the manoeuvre used to help victims of choking, has died aged 96.
Dr Heimlich died at a hospital in the US city of Cincinnati early on Saturday following complications...
Channel 4 reporter unearths shocking conditions in Santa’s workshop
In the short film to be aired later this week on Channel 4 News, elves were shown being threatened with dismissal after 'three strikes' by a fat beard-clad despot, Santa Claus.
An agency elf, who...
Darth Vader Faces CSA Action for Non Payment of Child Support
Darth Vader is facing a catastrophic attachment to earnings over claims of non-payment of child support.
The alleged offense occurred a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
However, CSA officials pounced when Mr...
Prison not a muslamic themed holiday camp after all says Paul Golding
Paul Golding, hero of the Free British Peoples and shiny-faced wankpuffin, has told Britain Furst colleagues that it turns out prisons are not "Butlins holiday camps for Pakis" after all.
The revelation came as Mr...
Putin Accused in Rogue One Plan Hack Report
Emperor Palpatine has sensationally accused Russia of interfering in the internal affairs of the Galactic Empire.
He has warned that the Empire will retaliate for Russian cyberattacks during the recent "Rogue One" theft of top...
