Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band
Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.
JK Rowling Announces New Harry Potter Book
In a move sure to delight her legion of fans, JK Rowling has let slip to the World a new book in the series.
Gallagher in filthy pool party outrage
Our colleagues at the Swindon Advertiser have told us that bacteria in the water has resulted in the Oasis pool being shut for the...
Oscars turmoil as Trump mistakenly awarded prize as “President of La La land”
The 90th annual academy award "Oscars" ceremony was thrown into turmoil when Donald Trump was mistakenly awarded the best actor prize for his role...
Exclusive! Keith Richards talks about 2016
A bright New Year's Day and I am sitting in the fashionable Chelsea bistro 'Hereafter' waiting for Keef, as I know him, to arrive.
Amazingly,...
Katie Hopkins reluctantly buys conventional toilet after running out of platforms to shit from.
Katie Hopkins has been spotted in the bathroom section of Homebase today, after being forced to find a conventional way to dispose of her...
Record complaints at Ofcom as latest episode of ‘Tits and Swords’ contains no tits
Switchboards at UK TV regulators Ofcom were jammed last night after the eagerly anticipated first episode of the new series of Game of Thrones...
Katie Hopkins replaced by audio book of Mein Kampf narrated by Paul Nuttall
Until LBC can find a suitable successor to Katie Hopkins her slot will be filled by a looped recording of Mein Kampf, narrated by...
Peter Pan of Pop Peeves Proud Populace
Cliff Richards recently learned that South Yorkshire Police will not be pursuing historic sexual abuse claims against him, but he hasn't escaped the wrath...
Fears for safety of Strictly 2016 producers as AdB meets JCC
Strictly Come Dancing returned to our screens this evening in a whirlwind of glitz and glitter. Amongst the celebrities dancing for our pleasure over...
Eastenders ‘Let’s Make a Success of Brexit’ Special to air every night
BBC smash hit soap 'Eastenders' has been ordered by the Culture Secretary to throw its weight behind Brexit and help make a success of...
Right wing nutjob calls right wing nutjob a right wing nutjob
Leading members of the Right Wing Nutjobs Association have been flinging accusations around willy-nilly to the amusement of 'leftie libtards' everywhere.
Right wing nutjob...
Star Wars fan admits films a bit shit really
Massive Star Wars fan Derek Ducaccus has admitted that the entire series on the whole is a "bit shit if he was being honest."...
Love Island Johnny reveals ‘I have the clap’ as bosses rebrand hit show ‘Syphilis...
Love island viewers were last night in shock after it was revealed the island is to be transformed into a syphilis colony.
The revelations came...
Nigel Farage cast as Pinocchio in reboot of Disney classic
Arron Banks is tipped to direct in his feature debut having amassed an impressive CV of smaller films targeted at indie audiences.
God Ruins Bake Off
This week's edition of Great British Bake Off was ruined when God interfered during Gay Cake Week.
The contestants had been asked to make Fairy...
